Dreaming My Dreams
by kirahelena
Summary: Alex and Addison following on from them sleeping together. 3 parts. AU from 3x21 onwards. Addex. Contains smut and angst.
1. Part One

**A/N: So, I'm back with a new Addex 3-parter in my quest to finish all my unfinished multi chapters. AU after they sleep together in 3x21 but does incorporate some cannon elements. This is more mature and angsty than any of my previous stories, I'm trying a new style. Each of the parts are super long (like 8k+ words) but I didn't really want to split them up anymore, they seemed to sort of fall naturally this way. Anyway, please read and review, I appreciate all the feedback, good and bad! Next part should be up before the end of the week. x**

* * *

Alex sat in the lobby, his textbooks littered around the surrounding seats, as he half heartedly flicked through them in an attempt to study. His mind, however, kept flicking back to his conversation with Ava earlier that day. The guy who barbecues and plays catch. Could he be that? Was he really good enough?

He wanted to be enough. Addison had been through so much and the last thing he wanted was to mess her around. Yet he couldn't take his mind off her and this afternoon in the supply closet. He couldn't get over how she had managed to worm her way inside his head: his boss that he was sure was trying to make his life Hell to start with, finding new ways every day to piss him off.

A shadow fell over him and he looked up to saw the woman in mind standing over him nervously wringing her hands. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and bit down on her lip and he knew instantly why she had won him over. She was beautiful.

"Hey." She greeted him as she perched on the edge of one of the seats.

"Hey." He echoed, shutting the book on his lap as a smile played at the corner of his mouth.

"I was gonna go get a, um, drink." Her eyes flicked away from his nervously. "You wanna head over to Joe's?"

'Barbecues and catch.' Ava's words rang through his head once again and he automatically opened his mouth to blow her off but even he was shocked at what came out of his mouth. "Actually, how about dinner?"

"Dinner?" She mulled the word over, before her face broke out into a smile. "That sounds good."

He mirrored her expression, trying to damp down his internal panic as he collected his books and followed her out the building, resting his hand on the small of her back. She paused when they reached the edge of the parking lot and looked questioningly at him.

"I'll drive if you want?" He said with a shrug. "I know a place… it's, er, nothing fancy or anything, it's actually a bit of a dump… Food's good though, and I'm not really dressed nice enough for much else."

She cut him off with a gentle squeeze to his arm. "It sounds great to me. Do they have burgers? I could kill for a bacon cheeseburger."

He chuckled at that, leading her towards his car and opening the door for her to get in. "They have the best burgers in Seattle."

"You better be right, Karev." She teased.

* * *

"You weren't lying about this place being a dump." Addison commented as Alex parked in front of a run down looking diner.

He shrugged. "I did warn you."

He opened the door for her before guiding her towards a booth in the corner. She picked up the menu, pulling out her reading glasses and studying it intently.

"Are you really going to have a bacon cheeseburger?" He questioned, breaking the easy silence between them.

She raised an eyebrow. "Is that problem?"

He held up his hands in defence. "No. Not at all." He answered quickly. "Just surprising. You surprise me a lot though."

"Oh yeah?" She questioned, smirking as he turned red. "How do I surprise you?"

"I dunno." He went to shrug again, before stopping himself as he was beginning to feel like that was all he was doing around her. "I used to think you were just some stuck up, rich, snooty woman from New York."

"Charming." She deadpanned. "Do these lines usually work on the girls?"

She managed to draw a chuckle out of him at that. "I usually flatter them with endless compliments. Don't worry, I would never use anything so conventional on you."

Addison let out a surprised laugh, her eyes sparkling. "Oh yes, I hate being flattered. I much prefer being called a stuck up bitch."

"Well then I'm your guy." He winked at her, feeling his nerves finally slip away. "And I never actually called you a bitch."

"You saying you've never thought it?" She asked, raising an eyebrow as she looked at him over the top of her glasses.

"No comment." He countered as a young blonde waitress walked over.

"Hey Alex." She greeted with a wide smile, placing a hand on his shoulder as she leant against the booth. "You having your usual?"

"Thanks Melissa." His return smile faltered slightly as he saw Addison roll her eyes at him. "And a double cheeseburger for the lady." He winked at Addison. "What do you want to drink?"

"I'll have an iced tea please, Melissa." She said pointedly, and Alex couldn't contain his laughter as Melissa walked away.

"Someone's jealous." He teased, bumping his knee against hers under the table.

She just shrugged in response as she squinted after her. "She looks a bit like Stevens. Do you have a type?"

"I haven't slept with her!" He protested. "And clearly not as I'm on a date with you and you look nothing like her."

"Yeah, I'm old for one." She muttered under her breath.

"I think what you mean is incredibly hot."

Addison blushed at that, the colour almost matching her hair. "Thought you weren't going to flatter me?" He winked at her, and her cheeks darkened further.

They were quiet for a moment as their drinks were bought over and she sipped her iced tea, twirling the glass absentmindedly. "You look like you're thinking hard?"

She bit her lip as she briefly looked up and met his eye. "You called this a date…"

He felt his nerves from earlier return in full force. "Is it not?" He asked hesitantly.

"No!" He tensed up at that. "I mean yes. Yes it is. At least I want it to be."

"Then why did you think it wasn't?" He reached across the table, hesitating before resting his hand on top of hers.

"It's just… Callie told me that you weren't good at this stuff. That you have a bit of a reputation so to speak." She tucked her hair behind her ear and offered him an apologetic smile.

"She's right." He admitted, squeezing her hand briefly. "But I'm trying. You're… different."

Her face lit up with a smile so bright that he couldn't help but return it as their food came. They tucked in and she paused after a while. "After this, I'll buy us a drink at Joe's, if you want?"

"Yeah. That sounds perfect." He waved at her unfinished meal. "Hurry up then, I've got a beer calling my name."

* * *

Alex opened the door for Addison as they reached Joe's, following her in as he rested a hand on her back. They headed towards the bar and he caught sight of Meredith, Cristina and Izzie sat on the corner.

He should have known they would be in here; drinking away the day as per usual. Still, he couldn't help but feel uncomfortable as he followed Addison weaving her way through the crowd. It wasn't that he didn't want them to know that he was dating her; he wasn't ashamed of being with her at all. He was just worried that the easy atmosphere of the evening was going to disappear very rapidly: he knew how judgemental his friends could be.

"You okay?" Addison had paused and was now looking at him, seemingly having noticed his hesitance.

He shot her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Yeah. Looking forward to this beer you promised me."

She shot him a skeptical look but played along regardless. "You know traditionally, on a date, the man would buy the drinks."

He chuckled at that, winking at her. "I know how much you earn. You can afford it."

"Are you taking advantage of me, Alex Karev?" She raised her eyebrow at him as she reached the bar and caught Joe's attention.

He stepped up behind her, placing a hand on her waist and dipping his head to whisper in ear. "Only if you want me to."

A blush spread across her cheeks and he dropped a kiss on it, feeling brave from their proximity. He pulled back with a wince as he heard Cristina call his name. "Evil Spawn!"

"Crack Whore." He countered back, both him and Addison heading over to greet them, her albeit more reluctantly.

"Where's O'Malley tonight?" He asked to break the awkwardness, as they glanced curiously at him and Addison.

"Probably with Callie." Izzie spat as she angrily downed her drink.

He held the hand up that wasn't on Addison's back and looked at Meredith questioningly. "Dude, sorry. Forget I asked."

"So are you two like…" Meredith trailed off and waved her hand between them.

Joe handed them their drinks as Addison piped up helpfully. "On a date?" Meredith nodded. "Yes we are."

"You took Dr Montgomery on a date to Joe's?" Izzie frowned. "You can do better than that Alex." Addison glared at her, sipping her drink. "I meant the location!"

"I took her to dinner first." He protested.

Cristina eyed him up and down. "Dressed like that?"

"It wasn't exactly planned." He muttered, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second.

Addison seemed to take pity on him and rested her free hand on his chest. "It was a good date. We went to that diner…"

"God, Alex, tell me you didn't take her to the diner with the chesty blonde who fawns over you." Meredith groaned.

"Melissa." Addison drew the name out, before laughing as Alex turned red.

"Right as much as I've enjoyed you all making fun of me, we're going to go sit down now." He waved at the empty booth in the corner as the others said goodbye. He slid into the seat opposite Addison and let out a sigh of relief.

"That was…nice?" She commented, stirring her drink.

He snorted at that. "If by nice you mean they were drunk and vaguely insulting towards me then sure." She laughed at that. "You have a nice laugh." He blurted before he could stop himself and he took a long sip of his drink as he looked at the table in embarrassment.

She reached out and took his hand, linking her fingers through his. "Flattering me with compliments again?" He shrugged and she smiled. "A girl could get used to this."

"You saying you want to go out with me again?"

She pretended to think, twirling her hair around her finger. "It depends."

"What on?" He asked, unable to stop the smile forming on his face.

"On whether you come back to my hotel room with me." She said, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

He placed a hand over his heart and faked an incredulous look. "Addison Montgomery! After just one date?"

She rolled her eyes as she stood up and moved to the end of the booth, leaning over him slightly. "I think we went past that this afternoon, don't you?" He swallowed visibly and nodded. "So, are you going to kiss me?"

He reached his hand up to cup her face, leaning forward to capture her lips softly, reaching with his other hand to encircle her waist and pull her to him. She let out a breathy moan and pulled back, looking at him with hooded eyes which reminded of him of their kiss all those weeks ago. "You're right." He said. "We should definitely go back to your hotel room."

She grabbed her bag and took his offered hand. "Why don't you ever admit that I'm right that easily at work?"

"You never kiss me like that at work." He muttered under his breath, ignoring her eye roll. They started to head towards his car. "And I admitted you were a good surgeon today, you might not remember as you jumped me midway through saying it."

She blushed at that. "Not my finest moment, I admit."

"Hey." He chuckled as he opened the car door for her. "You'll find no complaints here. In fact, I'm eagerly waiting on a repeat performance."

"You better hurry up and get in the damn car then."

He rolled his eyes at her. "Always so bossy."

* * *

They stumbled through the door of her hotel room and Alex wasted no time in pushing Addison against the now closed door. He threaded his fingers through her hair, tugging on it slightly to tip her head back enough to allow him to place open mouth kisses to her neck. He bit down and she let out a low moan, grinding slightly on his leg which had found its way between hers.

She shoved him back off her, breathing heavily. "Bed. We're not doing it against the door."

"Why not?" He teased, pulling her flush to him and biting down slightly on her ear lobe, smiling at the breathy moan he drew out of her. "We did it against the wall this afternoon."

She placed her hands on his chest, walking him backwards until he hit the bed, sitting heavily down on it. She moved to straddle him, her hands on his face, her lips just a fraction away from his. "It would be nice to do it on the bed at least once today. I'm not as young as I used to be."

He closed the distance between them, kissing her as her hands clutched at his face. He trailed his hands up from her waist, palming her breasts through the purple silk shirt, causing her teeth to find his bottom lip in response. He pulled back as he popped the top button open revealing the edges of her lacy bra. He moved to kiss the expanse of skin he exposed, nipping and kissing his way down her body as he slowly undid her buttons.

He reached a particularly sensitive spot on her stomach and she let out a hiss of air, reaching out to tug hard on his hair. Smirking, he sucked hard on the spot, causing her to buck against him, an involuntary groan pulled from his throat. "Fuck, Alex, I swear to God…"

"What?" He teased as he stood up, picking her up with him, before turning to lay her down on the bed. He removed his shirt, before reaching to unzip her skirt, throwing both that and her shirt on the floor along with his.

"Hurry up and fuck me already." She attempted to demand, her words coming out as more of a beg.

"I want to take my time." He countered, quickly stripping himself of his jeans and climbing on top of her. He looked down at her laying beneath him, pale skin and black lacy underwear. "God, Addie. You're gorgeous."

She blushed and bit down on her lip, scraping her nails down his back. "Yeah?"

Alex dipped his head to capture her lips in response, soothing the lip she kept biting with his tongue. He rubbed his thumb over her hardened nipple through her bra, causing her to arch into him. He reached a hand under her to snap open her bra, pulling the fabric off and moving to swirl his tongue over her nipple.

Addison tugged impatiently at his boxers, pulling them off with his help. She grasped him in her hand, smiling to herself as he bucked against her. "I'm bored of taking it slow. We can take our time another time."

He moaned as she stroked her hand up him, rubbing her thumb over the tip, and he grasped her wrist tightly. "Trust me, you keep doing that, it'll be over in no time."

She giggled and he kissed her firmly, reaching for the condom he had got out his wallet earlier. She took it from, ripping it open with her teeth, before slowly rolling it onto him. He grasped her hip as he stroked his thumb on the waistband of her panties, propping himself up on his other arm. He hooked his thumb underneath it, slowly pulling them down her legs and she kicked them off.

Alex rubbed his hand slowly back up her leg, and Addison moaned in anticipation. "Alex, please just fuck me already."

"I was just making sure you were ready." He murmured. He reached his intended goal and slipped his finger inside her, her hips jerking as she sharply inhaled at the contact. He pulled his finger out and brought it up to his mouth, sucking the juices off it. "Giving how wet you are, I don't see that being a problem."

"Oh shut up." She moaned as she grasped him in her hand, lining him up as he pushed slowly inside her.

"Shit." He choked out as he slipped inside her an inch at a time, feeling her walls contract around him. He could barely think as she moved her legs to wrap around his waist, encouraging him in further with a breathy moan and her body arched against him. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he resisted the urge to slam into her, instead slowly moving forward until his hips met hers and she lay panting beneath him.

He stayed as still as possible to give her a moment to adjust before he kissed her softly on the lips. "You okay?"

She nodded slightly, pulling his head down to hers and kissing him roughly; all biting lips and clashing teeth. He eased almost all the way out of her, before pushing back in hard, eliciting a loud cry from her. He continued his slow rhythm the best he could: his breathing harsh as she responded underneath him, digging her nails into his shoulder almost painfully.

He upped his pace and she threw her head back, biting down hard on her lip. "Fuck." She moaned. "Alex, I'm going to… Fuck."

He snaked his free hand down her body to rub small circles against her clit, her moans becoming louder and more incoherent. He pressed his lips to hers, swallowing some of her cries as his thrusts became more erratic as both of them approached the finish line.

He stilled his thumb, pressing down firmly on her clit and he slammed his hips harder against hers. She stilled underneath him, her walls fluttering around him as she let out a choked cry. His own release followed a few thrusts later and he rolled off her, panting heavily.

He reached down and removed his condom, disposing of it quickly before pulling her to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Well, fuck."

She giggled at that. "That's one way to put it."

Alex kissed the top of her head, stroking his hand up and down her arm softly. "Just when I thought it couldn't be better than this afternoon." He chuckled.

They lay in silence for a while, getting their breath back. He was surprised at how calm he felt; laying naked on the bed with Addison in his arms. Usually after sex he was biding his time, looking for the first opportunity to make a hasty escape and yet the last thing he wanted to do right now was leave.

"Can I stay?" He murmured against her hair.

She stretched out before turning so she lay on top of him, resting her chin on his chest, looking him in the eye. "I thought that was the idea."

"I just wanted to make sure." Alex twirled part of her red hair around his finger absently. "I've not really done this before."

She raised eyebrow at him, drawing circles on his bare chest. "You've not had sex before?" She teased.

He pinched her lightly. "I've never wanted it to be more. Not really."

She gave him a soft smile. "Oh?"

He hummed in agreement. "You're different." He echoed his words from earlier.

"We'll go slow." She paused. "If you wanted to keep doing this, I mean."

"Have you not been listening to what I've been saying?" He chuckled.

"I just want to double check that you aren't going to yell at me in a supply closet next week."

He winced involuntarily, wrapping his arms tighter around her. "Yeah, that, uh, wasn't my finest moment."

"Understatement." She snorted. "Can I ask why you did it?"

He remembered the moment like it was yesterday: the kiss in the bar and the week that followed it. The whole thing had been a surprise and unplanned; he'd been acting on impulse and, as he has learnt previously, that never ended well for him. There was two things that made him blow her off and, although he regretted ever having caused _that_ look on her face, he couldn't honestly say he was sorry for it. He wasn't ready then for the possibility of something more like he was now, all he would have been able to offer her was some casual sex and she was worth so much more than that.

Alex took a deep breath, tracing circles on her lower back to calm him down, smiling to himself when an involuntary shiver made its way through her. "I guess the smaller part of it was because I thought you regretted it. You'd been avoiding me all week, refusing to work with me and barely able to look me in the eye. I thought I'd say it was a mistake before you did."

"I didn't think it was a mistake." She murmured against his chest. "I was just scared. I'm not the sort of woman who usually throws herself at younger men. And it was a bit of a crappy week for me."

"Oh?"

"I'll tell you about it one day." She paused and he kissed her hair. "You said the smaller part of it. What was the main part of it?"

"I was scared too." He admitted. "Like I said, I've never done this before. When you kissed me…I wanted more than to just sleep with you. And it scared the crap out of me. So I tried to convince myself that I didn't want you."

She lifted her head enough to softly kiss his lips, nudging at him to move so they could slip beneath the sheets. She curled back around him, tucking her head under his chin. "What changed?"

"You jumped me again." He let out a chuckle as she hit his chest. "Working with you over the last couple of months… I dunno. I got to know you better, like you even more. When you asked me out tonight I was so ready to blow you off, but I couldn't. You are worth the effort."

She tipped her head back so he could see her face, and the smile which had found its way onto it. "You still scared?"

"Fucking terrified." He returned her smile, reaching a hand up to cup her face. He rubbed his thumb over her cheekbone. "I don't want to hurt you."

"So don't." She replied simply and he wondered whether it could really be that easy. "We're really going to do this."

"Yeah, I guess we are."

She bit her lip and he knew she was worried about what she was going to say. "We have to tell Richard. And Miranda."

"I know." He gave her what he hoped was a vaguely reassuring smile.

"Tomorrow. It all has to be above board."

He nodded in agreement, his face falling slightly as he thought of something. "They're going to kill me."

"Only if you hurt me." She teased, poking him in the ribs.

"Sloan and Shepherd will kill me anyway."

"They wouldn't." He gave her a skeptical look. "They might punch you." She conceded.

"Great." He muttered as she laughed at him.

"We'll be okay." She kissed his jaw gently.

He looked down at her, naked and curled against him. Her red hair was splayed over his chest and she was looking up at him with her clear, blue eyes. He felt unbelievably lucky to have her wanting to be with him. "Yeah, I really think we will be."

* * *

Alex headed up to the Chief's office the next morning when he arrived at work, having run back home back to change his clothes. Despite knowing it was the right thing to do, agreeing completely with Addison on that front, he was nervous.

Informing the Chief about their relationship was a big step; it showed they were committed to giving them a real shot. And, although he was wanting to actually start something real with her, his deeply ingrained fear of commitment was having trouble keeping up.

He crossed the glass walkway and spotted Addison outside the Chief's office, nervously wringing her hands. He felt his nerves start to ebb away as he took her hands in his, stilling their movement. "Stop stressing."

She glared at him, kissing his cheek, before knocking on the door and pushing it open. She walked in and Alex followed behind her, trying to suppress his amusement at the strained smile on her face. "Hey Richard, you got a minute?"

"Always for you, Addie." He said, looking up from his paperwork and over at them, raising his eyebrows when he saw Alex there as well. "Actually, if you're about to tell me what you think you are, I take the previous comment back."

She shot him an apologetic look, before giving Alex an apprehensive look as they took the seats in front of his desk.

"So…" She started.

"You're dating." The Chief said simply as Addison winced and nodded. "Is it serious?"

Her panic was evident on her face so Alex rested his hand on her thigh, squeezing gently, before replying himself. "We've only been on one date." He replied honestly. "But we're both serious about making a go of this and so thought it best that you knew."

Richard nodded as Addison gave him a relieved smile, moving her hand to his and linking their fingers together. "I can't say I'm overjoyed by this but this is hardly the first relationship of this type." Alex attempted to hold back his snicker at that. "Just keep it out of the hospital and keep it professional. Oh, and make sure you tell Bailey."

They nodded at him, thanking him and moving to leave. Addison walked out the door after a quick hug from Richard and Alex made to follow before being stopped by a hand on his arm. "Karev, you hurt her and you'll be lucky to have a career. She's been through enough. Am I clear?"

Alex swallowed nervously and nodded hastily. "Yes sir."

He left the room and saw Addison leaning against the railing waiting for him. "Thought you'd gone."

"I was waiting for you." She replied with a shrug and he crossed to her, resting his hand on her waist and kissing her softly.

"That went surprisingly okay."

She shook her head as though in disbelief and kissed him again. "I was wondering if you wanted to do something after your shift? I have the day off tomorrow."

He took her hand as they started to head towards the locker rooms. "I have tomorrow off too. I could, um, I could make dinner if you want." He thought about what was in the fridge and made a mental note to stop by the store on the way home. "Then we could have a day out tomorrow." He paused as they reached the door to the intern locker room and looked at her suggestively. "Or a day in."

She rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "Dinner and a day out sounds lovely." She commented, kissing his cheek. 'And you said you weren't good at this."

He chuckled and squeezed her hand as he opened the door. "I'll see you later, Addie."

He walked to his lockers to find the rest of his friends already there changing. They looked up as he approached them, their conversations ceasing immediately. Izzie frowned at him and he already dreaded what was about to come. "How was your date?" Izzie asked.

"Alex had a date?" George had been standing to the side of the others but joined them now, his interest piqued.

"You haven't heard the best part of it yet, Bambi." Cristina snorted and George didn't even protest at the nickname as he looked between the girls curiously.

Meredith sighed. "His date was with Addison."

"McHot?" George spluttered, spinning to stare at Alex in shock."You went on a date with Shepherd's ex-wife?"

Alex shrugged, feeling uncomfortable at all the eyes on him. "Yeah, I went on a date with Addison. I like her. She's coming over tonight. I'm making dinner."

They looked at him incredulously. "You're cooking for her?" Izzie asked in disbelief. "You never cook for us! Can you even cook?"

"I'm a good cook." He protested slightly, starting to change into his scrubs as he noticed the time. "And you always cook so I don't bother."

Izzie turned away in frustration at that and Meredith tipped her head to the side, surveying him curiously. "You like her." She repeated and he nodded. "You're not just messing her around? She's had a tough year, she doesn't need anymore trouble."

"I'm not. I, um, I really want this to work. She's different. We told the Chief we were dating this morning." He shifted uncomfortably at the seriousness of the moment and the emotion that he had just admitted.

Meredith nodded, giving him a smile. "Then I'm happy for you. I hope you don't screw it up."

He returned her smile, grabbing his stethoscope and slinging it round his neck. "Yeah, me too."

"Oh please." Cristina scoffed. "Like Evil Spawn will ever manage to not screw it up. He fucks up with every girl he's with."

"Hey! What, so you and Mer can make a relationship work and I can't? I'm not good enough! Is that what you're saying?" He snapped before he could help himself, already regretting rising to the bait.

"Well when we dated you couldn't even keep it in your pants around other women for a week." Izzie stated.

"And you gave me syphilis." George added.

He felt his faint attempt at not reacting slip away. "Will you all just shut up? You all fuck up just as much as me and I don't go round telling you-"

"What is going on here?" Bailed yelled. Meredith opened her mouth to explain and Bailey held her finger up to stop her. "You hush! No one is interested in your lives. We're only interested in why it's 7:03am and none of you are at rounds!"

They muttered their apologies and headed out and Alex rubbed the back of his neck nervously, before deciding to bite the bullet. "Dr Bailey, can I talk to you?"

She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. "Why don't I think I'm going to like this, Karev?"

"Because you're probably not." He smiled sheepishly as she sighed.

"Come on, spit it out."

"Addison and I told Chief Webber this morning that we were dating. I thought that you should you know." He shrugged in what he hoped was a casual way.

Bailey groaned. "What is it with all my suck-ups having to sleep with their bosses? Don't let it affect your work and don't screw it up. We clear?"

"Crystal." They headed out of the locker room to catch up with all the others.

"I can't believe I'm getting sucked into your petty fights but is that what all the yelling was for?"

He sighed, his anger at his friends coming back. "They told me I was going to screw it up."

He could see the group of interns rounding on the first patient when Bailey stopped him just outside the room. "You really want this to work?" He nodded. "Then don't let anyone, friend or not, tell you it can't. If you don't want to screw it up then you won't."

He frowned as he looked down at her. "Er, thanks Dr Bailey?"

"Yeah yeah, don't mention it again." She gave him one of her infamous stares. "And I mean never ever again. Now, rounds."

* * *

Alex sat with Addison at the bar in Joe's, her laughing at him as she sipped on her vodka martini, reaching down to grasp the hand he had resting on her leg. He couldn't quite believe that it had been a week since they had agreed to start seeing each other and he hadn't messed it up at all, and had no intention of doing so anytime soon.

In spite of their decision to take things slow, they had spent nearly all the time not in the hospital with each other. From that first night with him cooking for her, to the next day spent (despite her initial protests) mostly in bed, to all the time after spent lounging in her hotel room with room service. He was comfortable around her and often found himself sharing things about himself that he would never tell Meredith, or even Izzie.

Now though, they had a rare 48 hours without being on call and so had decided to make the most of it by spending the evening at the bar. With Shepherd planning to perform Ava's surgery when they got back and the intern test not long after, it was bound to be full on for a while. They needed the break.

"Alex are you even listening to me?" She sighed slightly as he gave her a sheepish smile.

"Sorry." He gave a shrug, indicating to Joe for more drinks as he looked over at them. "I was thinking."

"You'll hurt yourself." She teased and he rolled his eyes at her. "What you thinking about? Anything good?"

"I was thinking about you." He smirked at her. "So not too bad I guess."

She sat forward in her seat to hit him and he grabbed her waist before she could shift back. He cupped her face, kissing her softly, enjoying the way she instinctively leant into him. "I'm joking, Addie. I'd say that's pretty damn good."

She settled back on her stool, leaning against the arm he had left round her lower back. "Back at the flattering again."

He winked at her. "You love it." He internally winced at his choice of words and Addison tensed sightly before raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well, it makes a change to you being an ass." He faked a wounded expression as she laughed at him. "Should I be worried that you were thinking about me?"

He gave her a genuine smile. "Nope, I was just thinking that I like spending time with you."

Her face softened as he looked away embarrassed. He wasn't used to sharing his feelings with someone else but he was trying to make an effort for her.

"Are your friends at work?" He was grateful that she changed the subject and shrugged.

"Think Mer, Yang and Iz are out bridesmaid dress shopping with Torres. O'Malley's working but he's been weird lately. He says he's going to transfer to Mercy West." He shrugged.

Addison frowned at that. "Why? Mercy West's programme doesn't even compare to ours." She twirled her hair around her finger as she thought. "Callie thinks somethings going on between him and Stevens. She asked me about it."

"You think she's right?" She shrugged indecisively. "She could be. They've been weird around each other."

He contemplated it for awhile as he finished the rest of his beer. "Where's your friends?"

She shot him a look. "What friends?" He chuckled, squeezing her hip. "Well Callie is dress shopping with your friends, Miranda is working and Mark, if you call him a friend and not an ill advised life choice, just walked in."

His laughter at her comment quickly stopped as he looked over his shoulder, panicked. "Shit." He muttered as she kissed his cheek reassuringly.

For the last week, they had somehow managed to avoid a confrontation with Sloan and Shepherd. That was achievement in itself without the fact that Alex had actually spent two shifts working with Mark. The Seattle Grace rumour mill had clearly failed as he made no indication that he actually knew of his relationship with Addison. He briefly wondered what happened with the sex bet and whether Sloan still thought it was ongoing, making a note to ask Addison about it later. There was no way now that Mark would not realise they were a couple; not with his arm on her waist and hand on his thigh.

Sloan frowned as he spotted them, moving across to stand in front of them. "Karev." He greeted before turning his back on him. "Addison."

She gave him a tight smile and pulled away from Alex slightly as she tensed up. "Mark, what are you doing here?"

"Having a drink." Mark glanced over his shoulder at Alex, who was fiddling with his bottle of beer uncomfortably. "I think the better question is what are you doing?"

"Having a drink." She echoed stubbornly, causing a smile to lift at the corner of Alex's mouth.

"With Karev? I thought he was just a quick fuck in the on-call room."

Alex's smile disappeared rapidly at this, while Addison's mouth dropped open in shock. "How did you know about that?"

"I saw you two coming out of the room. It was obvious. Didn't think it would lead to this though." Mark waved a hand between them.

She frowned and Alex couldn't help but reach for hand, squeezing her fingers lightly. "That's why you called off the bet. You didn't actually sleep with someone else, did you?" He shook his head. "You really think I'm the type of person that would sleep with someone for no reason. A quick one night stand and that's it?"

Tears were forming in her eyes and Alex shifted so his arm was around her, stroking her side reassuringly. Mark held his hands up slightly, looking at her panicked."No, Addie. God, no! I guess it's just what I wanted to believe. I don't think that of you." He looked thoughtful at them for a moment. "You happy?"

She looked at Alex's apprehensive face and a small smile found its way onto her face. "Yeah I am."

"Good. That's, um, good." Mark looked uncomfortable and they didn't look much better. "Does Derek know?"

"Judging by the fact he hasn't found me and punched me, I'd say no." Alex spoke up for the first time and Sloan chuckled in spite of himself. "Mer knows though so I don't know how he doesn't."

"Yeah, that is not going to be a fun conversation." He agreed as Addison made a face. "And I heard Grey say that he was going to meet them here after dress shopping so you get to have it tonight."

"Oh just brilliant."

Mark chuckled, before leaving them both with a nod, having spotted a nurse smiling at him from across the bar. Addison rolled her eyes at him, before offering Alex a small smile. "So Derek's coming here."

He leant forward to brush his lips softly against hers, pulling back slightly, a smirk on his face. "So much for our quiet night out."

"Sorry about all this." She gave a vague wave, biting hard on her lip. "My screw ups coming to bother us."

He kissed her again, deepening it as he soothed her lip, anchoring his fingers in her hair. "You don't have to apologise. They won't scare me off." He was surprised to find it was true; he was already in so deep he was doubtful there was much that could. "Now let's get some more drinks and a booth. We could use a few moments of peace before they get here."

Addison moved to the booth in the corner as he ordered them another round from Joe. He moved over to where she was sat, sighing slightly as he heard the bell ring and saw his friends walk in. He slid in next to her, placing their drinks on the table and slinging an arm over her back. He pressed a kiss to her cheek, and she turned her head to press one to his lips.

"Our moment of peace is over." He nodded his head to where Meredith, Izzie, Cristina and Shepherd were stood. Meredith spotted them in the corner and waved, Addison giving her a tight smile and held her hand up in response.

"Great." She deadpanned, as they saw the others notice them and start to head their way, Derek wearing a confused frown on his face.

"Hey." Meredith greeted, sliding into the booth opposite them. "Can we join you?"

"Well you already have." Addison muttered under her breath and Alex poked her ribs in a warning to be nice.

"She means sure." Alex said, and Izzie sat down next to him, while Derek and Cristina slid next to Meredith, Derek still frowning warily at them.

"So, has Callie gone home?" Addison asked to break the silence.

Cristina shrugged. "She had to go back to work. Plus, Izzie was being a bitch."

Alex chuckled as Izzie protested in an unusually high voice, the others rolling their eyes in disbelief.

"Did you take her on a better date than the other night, Alex?" Meredith asked, smirking at him.

He glared at her. "This is just a drink after work. And the other day was unplanned. I'm good at dates!"

A mischievous smile spread across Addison's face. "He hasn't actually taken me on a proper date though. I'm yet to see the fact he's good at them."

He turned red as the others laughed. "Oh she's good." Cristina snorted. "I like her."

Derek seemed to finally find his voice as Addison kissed Alex by way of apology. "How long has this been going on?" He snapped.

Addison bristled slightly and Alex rubbed the top of her arm soothingly. "Officially, a week." He shrugged. "We've been flirting around it for a few months."

He could see Derek's jaw clench as he glanced round the table, eyes ending on Meredith. "You all knew? And didn't think to tell me?"

Meredith stuck her jaw up stubbornly. "It wasn't really anything to do with you. It's their business."

"Didn't you listen to our conversation about communicating more?" He snapped, as the table fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"Derek, leave the poor girl alone. I should've told you, I know." Addison sighed, leaning into Alex's arm as she wound some of her hair nervously around her finger.

"You think?" He said sarcastically.

Alex glanced at Addison's apprehensive face and felt anger bubbling up inside him. It was hardly fair that after what Shepherd had put her through the last year he had the right to still make her feel like this. "Did you tell her when you started dating Mer?" He snapped. "Oh no, you didn't. Because it was while you were still married."

Meredith winced and Alex shot her an apologetic look. "Alex…" Addison rested her hand on his chest. "Just drop it, it's fine."

He stayed silent, taking her hand and linking his fingers through it, still glaring at Derek. "I'm going to go home." Derek said, standing up after Cristina moved out the way. "I think it's best."

No one protested as he left and they settled into an uneasy silence, sipping at their drinks quietly. "How's Susan, Mer?" Alex asked, breaking the silence.

"Um, okay, I guess." She shrugged. "Bailey did an endoscopic gastroplication and sent her home. Thatcher was half convinced she was faking the hiccups just to get us talking."

He chuckled at that. "I wouldn't put it past her."

Meredith rolled her eyes before looking at Addison warily. "Sorry… about before. With Derek."

"You apologising for him having a go at her or you sleeping together while she was married to him?" Cristina asked dryly, snickering as Meredith hit her arm.

Addison shook her head slightly, a genuine smile on her face. "You don't have to apologise for him." She bit her lip slightly. "And the other thing? Water under the bridge. We've both moved on, right?"

Meredith nodded and the two of them started a conversation with Cristina, Izzie just sat texting on her phone. Alex watched Addison laughing and chatting with his friends: the people she should have every right to hate. He pressed a kiss to her forehead as he listened to them talk, amazed at how forgiving she was. If it was him in that situation, he would never talk to any of them again. He thought back to how all of the other interns had forgiven and eventually accepted him after the while ordeal with Izzie and realised that maybe they were better people than he often gave them credit for.

"You don't mind us crashing your night, do you?" Meredith asked suddenly.

"Mer, it's fine. Like I said, this is just a drink after work. Better take her on a 'proper' date tomorrow." He nudged Addison teasingly as she rolled her eyes.

"You should come round next week, Addison. After the intern exam we're having a little get together. It'll be fun, right guys?"

Cristina shrugged indifferently as Izzie didn't even look up from her phone. "There will probably be tequila and takeout and maybe we'll watch Ellis surgeries."

Addison glanced at Alex and he grinned at her. "Up to you."

"That actually sounds nice." She admitted. "Thanks for the offer."

Alex pulled her fully to him as Meredith and Cristina began to talk amongst themselves. He dipped his head to mutter in her ear. "They like you. It's nice that you all get on. I mean, if you're going to stick around. Easier for me."

She traced his jaw with her thumb, turning to face him. "You want me to stick around then?"

"You're not too bad." He teased, kissing her softly. "I definitely don't want you to go anywhere."

* * *

Alex lay in bed next to Addison, sighing slightly as he pulled her to him, pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder. What was going to be their quiet night in after the test had quickly turned into an impromptu bachelorette party for Cristina.

However, what with Meredith's step-mum dying and her not writing anything on her intern exam, not to mention the weird air between Callie and Izzie and Cristina's general hatred for all things wedding, the night had an awkward atmosphere to it. Still, it meant that the fact he and Addison were joining in wasn't commented upon, or even really noticed at all. There was a small bonus to everyone else having problems after all. Luckily (or unluckily depending on how you look at it) their evening was cut short by a page from the hospital. They'd just gotten back and fell into bed at 4am, having to be up again in a few hours time.

"Alex?" Her voice was soft and she brought her hand up and ran her fingers through his short hair. He hummed in acknowledgement. "Are you okay?"

He traced patterns on her lower back absently as he thought about what was bothering him. "Ava remembered everything."

"She did?" Addison propped herself up slightly to look at him. "That's great right?"

He frowned as he sighed slightly. "She remembered everything _3 days_ ago and didn't tell me. Didn't tell anyone."

"Oh." Addison's frown matched his own. "Why the Hell would she do that? Does she have any idea how many people are looking for her?"

"That's exactly what I said." He grumbled. "But the thing is she does know doesn't she? She knows exactly how many people out there are missing her. She wouldn't even tell me her name at first."

"She told you in the end though." He nodded and she stretched up to kiss him softly, her body fully pressed against his.

"I just…" He breathed out heavily, reaching up a hand to scrub it over his face. "I keep remembering what you yelled at me that day in the corridor. About it becoming another Denny Duquette situation." She tensed on top of him and he hurried to reassure her. "It's not, don't worry, its not like that at all. But you were right in a way…I was too close to her. I thought we were friends and I almost forgot she was a patient."

"You can be friendly with your patients." Addison said, but the sentiment was empty; he knew that she agreed with him.

"You know she was always badgering me about you. It was always 'what's going on with you and Red?' and 'are you going to make a move on Red yet?'." She laughed softly at that. "She was the one who told me about your bet with Sloan." He paused, debating whether to continue. He threw caution to the wind however, the darkness of the early hours making him brave. "She told me about your conversation with Callie as well."

"My conversation with…Oh." He could see her bite her lip in the dim light, which filtered through from the window. "I…It didn't scare you off?"

He chuckled. "Scared me shitless. Didn't think I could be that guy, I spent all day thinking about it. Was about ready to run as far away as possible."

"Why didn't you?" She whispered.

"Because I was thinking about whether I could be that guy. I still don't know the answer, but I realised I _wanted_ to be." He ran his fingers through her hair. "I really wanted to be enough for you."

"I think you're that guy. Or at least you could be." She said after a while, kissing his jaw. "Even if not, it doesn't matter. You're _you._ And thats enough for me."

He studied her face and saw the earnestness in her expression. He didn't understand why a woman like her, gorgeous, smart and successful, would ever want to be with a screw up like him. Yet, she did. She liked him for him, and she'd seen him at his best and worst, and still stuck around.

He cradled her face, pressing his lips eagerly to hers as she opened her mouth to him, fast and willing. He put into the kiss everything he couldn't say, could barely even think. It had only been 2 weeks but, damn it, he loved her.


	2. Part Two

**A/N: Thank you to all of you who read and reviewed part one! I've been working really hard on this so I'm glad you seemed to like it. This part is even longer than the last (I really should** **have broken them up into smaller parts, oops...). This is completely different to anything I've tried to write before so please let me know what you think, I really appreciate it! x**

* * *

Alex was worried. Addison was avoiding him, or at least he thought she was. Two months into their relationship and they barely spent any time apart; their earlier attitude of keeping things slow was firmly out the window. But now he had barely seen her for the last few days, her choosing to spend time in her hotel alone after her shift rather than with him.

In spite of his revelation a couple of weeks after they started going out, he kept those three words firmly to himself, even a month and a half later. He could feel them bubbling to the surface though every time she laughed at his jokes, threatening to overspill as she curled around him at night, red hair splayed over him, soft kisses and smooth skin. He was worried that she didn't feel the same and she was trying to let him down gently.

He left his own interns after assigning them to new attendings for the rest of their shift, ready to head home. He hurried as he grabbed his stuff from his locker, hoping to catch Addison before she left. He was determined to confront her about it, even though it may mean the end for them; he couldn't live in limbo any longer.

Alex headed to the lobby, looking around for Addison. He thought he got here fast enough to head her off but after waiting for 5 minutes he was beginning to think that he must have missed her. He stood up from the chair he had settled in when he saw Meredith come round the corner, knowing she had been Addison's resident for the day.

"Mer!" He called out. "Have you seen Addie?"

She frowned as she headed over to him. "She left an hour ago. Said she didn't feel well. Did she not tell you?"

"No." He muttered, worry bubbling up inside him. "No, she didn't."

"Alex…" Meredith started, resting a hand on his arm as they headed towards the cars. "Is everything okay?"

He paused as they reached the edge of the parking lot, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I think she's avoiding me." He admitted. "I'm worried she's going to end it."

"Oh, Alex." Meredith shifted to wrap an arm around his waist, and he resisted the urge to step away from her. "Addison adores you, I can tell. I mean, she spends all her time off in a house with the woman who ruined her marriage so she can spend time with you. And you both have these dopey lovesick expressions whenever you're around each other." He glared at her playfully, a small weight lifting from his chest as he acknowledged the truth of her words.

"What you need to do is go after her and talk to her. Tell her what you're feeling." She shrugged.

"Look at you." He teased. "Little Miss Dark and Twisty giving relationship advice."

She sighed. "Who'd have thought it? If only I could have actually applied this to my relationship with Derek."

"I still think you two will work it out."

Meredith dropped her head against his shoulder. "I'm still not ready for commitment. And he's with Rose."

Alex snorted at that. "You are ready Mer, that's bullshit. And Addie's right: Rose is just McRebound. You didn't go through all this crap for him to end up with her. You're meant to be or whatever."

"Your relationship's turned you soft." She leant up and kissed his cheek and he swatted her arm affectionately. "Now go after your girlfriend."

"Bossy." He called after her as they both headed to their respective cars, Meredith flipping him off in retaliation.

* * *

Alex stood outside Addison's hotel room, taking a deep breath in a desperate attempt to counter his nerves and holding it while he knocked. He exhaled sharply as he heard her moving around on the other side. She opened the door and froze when she saw him on the other side.

"Alex. I wasn't expecting you." Her smile was tense.

He shrugged, following her into the room as she moved aside. "Meredith said you weren't feeling well. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well, I'm fine." She said sharply, stepping away from the hand that he had moved to rest of her hip.

"Addie, what's going on?" He rubbed his hand over his face, sighing before looking her in the eye with a blank expression. "Do you not want to do this anymore?"

Her face fell and he noticed the tears in her eyes as she bit her lip. "No, no Alex. I do." She stepped towards him before changing her mind and sitting on the edge of her bed. "It's not that."

He moved to the bed and perched next to her, hesitating before dropping his hand on her thigh. "Then what is it? Have I done something wrong?"

"You haven't done anything wrong." She whispered. "This whole time you've been, you've been _perfect._ You've made me feel like me again, made me happy."

He squeezed her leg gently. "Why are you avoiding me then? And don't try to tell me you're not."

By this point she was biting her lip so hard he was worried it was going to draw blood. He reached his spare hand up, resting it on her cheek and swiping his thumb across her bottom lip, freeing it from her teeth. He felt something damp on his hand and saw the tears start falling from her eyes, shaking her body lightly.

Alex wasted no time in pulling her into his arms, settling her against his chest as he rubbed her back soothingly. "Come on, Addie, you can tell me anything. Promise."

She pulled back from him enough to be able to look him in the eye, raising a hand to wipe at the tears that had fallen, as she managed to croak out a response. "I'm pregnant."

He froze. Of all the things he was expecting her to say, that was pretty much the bottom of the list. Her eyes fell from his and she dropped her face into her hands, the tears falling thick and fast. He begged his body to do _something:_ reach out to comfort her, hold her in his arms, wipe her tears away. Instead all he could do was sit rigidly in place as he tried to fight the urge to run, the only word going around his head was _shit._

She took a shaky intake of breath. "We're always so careful. I, um, I wasn't feeling too good. Thought it was just a stomach bug or something. Thought it couldn't possibly be _this._ But it wasn't shifting and someone mentioned I could be pregnant off hand. I took a test that night, did a blood test at the hospital the next day. That was 4 days ago." She moved her hands to look sideways at him, her teeth digging into her bottom lip. "Say something, Alex."

"I-" He started, shaking his head sharply cutting himself off. "Shit. I wasn't expecting this."

"I'm sorry." She whispered and he managed to shake himself out of his panic enough to wrap his arms around her, pulling her so she was sat in his lap.

"Don't apologise, Addie. This isn't your fault." He muttered into her hair. "I'm scared shitless but it's happened. What do you want to do?"

She pressed her face into the crook of his neck, breathing deeply as she finally managed to get her tears under control. "We've barely been going out for two months."

"Yeah." He replied uselessly, unable to sort through his own thoughts enough to offer something useful. He kept thinking back to his own childhood, his adamance that he would not make a good father. Thinking how soon it was, how he was barely a resident, they were _barely_ going out. And yet the thing his mind kept returning to was that he _loved_ her.

He loved this woman in his arms more than he thought he would ever love someone, _could_ ever love someone. In the two months they'd been dating she'd quickly become the most important thing in his life. If she wants to do this, he'd do it, he'd _want_ to do it . He knew that without a doubt. And, in a way, that was what was scaring him most.

"I don't think I can go through another abortion. I don't think I want to." He frowned as he heard her words, curiosity bubbling up inside him. "I'm not getting any younger, I don't have many chances left."

He brushed a kiss to her temple. "Another?"

"Remember when I said it was a bit of a crappy week when we first kissed?" He hummed the affirmative, tracing soothing patterns on her lower back. "Back in New York, when I stayed with Mark…after about two months I got pregnant."

"You got rid of it?" He asked softly, moving his hand to stroke through her hair, combing out the tangles with his fingers.

"He was cheating on me. The whole time we were together. Thought I didn't know. I was a mess after Derek left, so I put up with it. Then next thing I knew I was pregnant and I told him, and he was _excited._ Really fucking excited."

"Ass was cheating on you though." He muttered angrily. "Who the fuck could cheat on you?"

She didn't say anything, but inched even closer into him than she already was, clutching his shirt in her hand. "A couple of days later, I came back from work to find him in bed with a PEDs nurse. I booked an abortion, packed my bags and went to Seattle."

"Oh Addie."

"That week I kissed you…it was the due date." She shook her head. "I can't do that again, it _killed_ me."

"You want a baby." He stated softly, kissing her head again.

She moved her head so she can look in him in the eye. "If you don't want this…I don't expect anything. You can walk out that door, Alex, and I won't blame you, I won't hold it against you."

He took a deep breath, steeling his nerves. "Addie, I'm not going anywhere. I _love_ you." She opened her mouth as if to protest and he hurried to get the rest of his words out. "I'm not just saying that because you're pregnant. I am so in love with you. Have known for weeks, I was just too scared to tell you. Thought it was too early, that it'd scare you off or something."

He ended on a shrug. She twirled a piece of hair round her finger. "I wouldn't have been scared. You couldn't have scared me off. I love you too."

"Yeah?" He asked, a small hopeful smile crossing his face as she nodded.

"We're going to do this then? A baby?"

"Yeah." He rested a hand on her stomach, rubbing his thumb softly against it. "I won't lie to you: I'm terrified. Completely and utterly terrified. But, I want this. I want to do this with you."

She released his shirt, moving her hands to cradle his face, a smile crossing hers. "We're having a baby."

He gently picked her up, placing her on the bed and leaning over her, kissing her cheeks, her forehead and then peppering kissing all over her face. She started to laugh, softly at first then harder until tears were running down her cheeks. He pulled back with a final kiss to the tip of her nose and grinned at her. "We're having a baby."

"We can do a scan at work tomorrow. Confirm how far along I am."

He kissed her lips softly. "I'd love that." He pressed his lips to hers again, deeper this time. "I love you, Addie."

Her eyes were sparkling as she looked up at him. "I love you too."

* * *

"Are you ready?" Addison asked as Alex met her outside a free exam room.

He took her hand, squeezing it softly. "Nope." He grinned. "Let's do this."

She rolled her eyes, nudging his shoulder playfully. He was glad to see that she was almost back to her usual self, lighter and more playful, in spite of her obvious nerves and the nearly always present teeth marks in her bottom lip.

They walked into the room together, the OB/GYN in there frowning slightly as she saw them. "Dr Montgomery, sorry, but I have an appointment booked in here in 5 minutes. Did you need the room?"

Addison gave her a tight smile. "No, no, it's fine, Jane. The appointment's mine. It's for me."

"Oh?" Dr White said, looking between them and her eyes widened in understanding. "Oh! Well, take a seat and we'll get started."

Alex struggled to hold in a chuckle and Addison elbowed him in the ribs. She moved to sit down, untucking her shirt and pulling it up. He moved to her side, taking a seat and resting a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"So you both know how this works." Dr White started, giving them an awkward smile. "So, I'll just get started straight away."

He sat, watching her exchange small talk with the doctor as she did a cervical exam and a blood test. He played with a strand of her hair, trying to calm his nerves. Addison turned to face him as Dr White moved the ultrasound machine over.

"Stop freaking out." She said, smiling softly.

"I'm not freaking out." He protested as she rolled her eyes at his obvious lie.

Dr White held up the ultrasound gel in one hand. "This is going to be cold."

Addison rolled her eyes again at that and he couldn't help but smile at the irony of it; he had heard her say those exact words to hundreds of women during his time on her service. It was surreal them being directed towards her. She let out gasp as the gel touched her skin. "Guess you now know how true those words are." He teased.

"Oh, shut up." She countered automatically as the wand was moved over her stomach.

He was watching her anxiously, trying to calm his nerves, when he saw her sharp intake of breath, her eyes fixed on the screen. She blindly reached for his hand and he grabbed hers tightly, watching a small wonder filled smile spread across her face, her eyes were sparkling with tears. She looked beautiful and he felt his heart speed up watching her.

"Alex." She breathed out. "Alex, it's our baby."

He finally moved his eyes over to the monitor and his breath caught as he looked at the grainy image. He'd seen this moment from a doctor's perspective countless times and never understood how it could provoke so much emotion, not until right now anyway. Looking at the screen, he couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes away.

"Wow." He squeezed her hand. "This is really happening. There's a baby in there. We're having a baby."

"You are indeed." Dr White smiled at them. "Everything looks perfectly normal, as I'm sure you can see for yourselves, and you look to be about 9 weeks along. I'm just going to give you two a moment while I print this off for you."

Her words just ghosted over him, still unable to stop staring at the picture frozen on the screen. She handed Addison some tissue and left them alone.

Addison squeezed his hand tightly after she finished cleaning the gel off her stomach and he moved his eyes to her face. "Hey." She whispered.

"Hey." He chuckled slightly and dipped his head to kiss her softly. She moved their joint hands to rest on her stomach.

"Can you believe it? 9 weeks already. Almost out of the first trimester." She rested her forehead against his and let out a strangled laugh. "God, 9 weeks…we must have only just got together when I got pregnant."

"Strong swimmers." He deadpanned, enjoying the blush and the more genuine laugh he got out of her. "Do you want to tell anyone?"

She fiddled with the end of her hair as she thought about it. "Not yet. Not until I'm actually out of the first trimester. Just in case."

He nodded with agreement at that, pleased that it gave him a few more weeks to wrap his head around it before the others get involved. "They're going to freak. And I'm definitely going to get punched this time."

"I'll protect you." She teased, kissing him once more before getting to her feet and adjusting her clothes. "I'm going to have to warn Jane off telling anyone. Doctor patient confidentiality does not stand up very well to the Seattle Grace rumour mill."

He chuckled at that, thinking about all the personal things he knew about everyone else. "Shouldn't be a problem. Dr White seems a little scared of you."

She gave him a sheepish smile. "That might be because I yelled at her the other day. Heard her chatting to one of the nurses in the NICU. Something about me trying to one up Derek by sleeping with an intern."

He winced at that, before kissing her cheek fondly. "Yeah, that'll do it. You're scary when you yell."

"Not scary enough to stop you being a pain in my ass at work." She countered, rolling her eyes at him as he faked a wounded expression

The door swung open and Dr White came back him and handed them an envelope. "So, there's your scans and here's your prescription for prenatal vitamins. I'm sure you both know all the do's and don't's like the back of your hand, but I threw a leaflet in there anyway. I'll give you a page when your test results are back but other than that I won't see you for another check up for a month."

Addison gave her a warm smile, while he settled for trying not to glare after he found out what she had been saying behind their backs. "Thanks Jane. We want to keep this quiet until I'm through the first trimester so if you could just keep it to yourself..."

"Of course, Dr Montgomery." Her answering smile was a little more strained, relaxing slightly when Addison told her to call her by her first name. "And congratulations by the way, you'll make great parents. Let me know if you need anything or have any problems."

Addison thanked her once again as they left, tucking the envelope safely away in her bag. She gave him a soft kiss as they stood in the empty corridor, and he stroked his thumb across her cheek softly. "Come round tonight?"

"Sure." She smiled at him, tipping her head to the side to lean into the palm of his hand. "I love you. Thank you...For doing this with me."

He felt the warmth her words caused and he leant forward to kiss her cheek. "You don't have to thank me. This maybe one heck of a surprise but I _want_ this. I love you, Addie." He caught sight of the clock on the wall behind her and quickly pecked her lips. "Shit. I have to go, I'm going to be late for rounds. See you later."

He caught her eye roll just before he hurried down the corridor and smiled to himself.

* * *

Alex rolled over as he woke up, smiling at Addison's sleeping form, stroking her cheek and kissing her gently. She blinked her eyes open and yawned sleepily, before groaning and curling up against him.

"Morning sleepyhead." He teased, tugging on her hair slightly.

"Go to Hell." She muttered into his neck.

"That's no way to talk to the father of your child." He said, laughing as she hit his arm.

Over the last few weeks he had become more comfortable with the idea of them having a baby, some of his earlier anxiety fading away into excitement. After seeing their baby on the ultrasound it had become almost painfully real and he had spent the rest of his shift at work trying not to go into a blind panic every time he saw a pregnant woman. But, as they lay in his bed that night, Addison fast asleep, he had rested the palm of his hand against her still flat stomach, picturing the grainy image he had seen that afternoon. He loved that baby already, and it was no bigger than a cherry. He had felt his nerves calm as he realised if he loved it that much then, in 7 more months he would love it even more.

"Why you up so early?" She asked, pulling away from him enough to look him in the eye. He couldn't resist kissing her again and she let out a soft moan as she lazily leaned into him. "Don't think you can distract me, Alex."

He chuckled when he leaned in to kiss her again and she wriggled out his way. "You're 12 weeks today. We can tell people."

He watched as she tensed slightly, her teeth instantly finding her lip. "Are you sure you want to?" She asked. "No offence but your friends are all so miserable lately. How are they going to react?"

He couldn't deny the truth of her words: Meredith spent most her time moping about Shepherd and Rose, George and Izzie could barely stand to be in the same room and Cristina was still adamantly pretending that Burke doing a runner wasn't affecting her. "I don't know how they're going to take it." He replied honestly, tracing his fingers over her side. "But they are going to find out sooner or later. Plus, I'm tired of hiding it."

She frowned at him, cupping his face with her hand. "You're excited?"

"Course I am. We're having a baby." She was still looking at him skeptically. "Don't get me wrong, I'm still fucking terrified. Of the baby and Shepherd potentially hitting me."

She let out a surprised giggle at that, pressing her lips to his. "We'll tell them when we get up." She promised. "I need to move out the hotel. Can't live there with a baby."

"I was thinking about that actually." He moved his hand over onto her stomach, stroking the skin with his thumb. "Thinking maybe we could rent a place. Together."

"Alex Karev are you asking me to move in with you?" She fluttered her eyelashes and he rolled his eyes at her.

"Maybe." He kissed the tip of her nose. "Depends if you would say yes."

"I would. If you're sure?" She twirled a piece of hair around her finger. "Big step."

He raised an eyebrow. "You're carrying my kid. Huge step."

She gave him a soft kiss. "Did you have somewhere in mind?"

He shrugged. The truth was he had started looking at places online from the day after he found out she was pregnant, figuring if they were going to have a child together they should be a proper family. "Saw this one place. Two bed apartment in the building opposite the hospital. Nothing fancy. In fact, you could probably afford something way better, but I want to contribute."

Her mouth tilted up in a smile. "We could have a look at it on our day off if you want?"

Alex squeezed her hand in response, giving her a lopsided smile. "Suppose we should get up, share our news."

"This is supposed to be exciting right?" She asked on a slight groan. "Not terrifying?"

"Get up." He chuckled.

* * *

Alex moved downstairs, Addison close behind him to find Meredith, Cristina and Izzie curled up on the couch. He grabbed a couple of glasses of orange juice from the kitchen before settling on the armchair, indicating for Addison to sit with him. They sat in silence as they watched the others bicker amongst themselves, Alex tracing soft patterns on her hip.

"My first born child." Cristina said. "I will give you my first born child in exchange for the sparkle pager."

Izzie scoffed at that. "Oh please. Mer knows you don't want kids."

Cristina just shrugged. "Worth a shot."

"You two should just give it up." Alex interjected. "Mer isn't going to give you the sparkle pager. Neither of you would give it to her."

Their eyes turned towards him as he shrugged. "It's alright for you, you get good surgeries." Izzie rolled her eyes. "Maybe I should sleep with my boss."

Addison tensed on top of him, and he kissed her neck in what he hoped was a reassuring manner, shooting a glare at Izzie over her shoulder. Cristina snorted. "Tried that. Didn't end well."

Meredith raised her coffee cup. "Amen to that." She shot a look at Addison who was playing with her hair uncomfortably. "Hey, you two might make it work though."

He chuckled, squeezing Addison's hip gently as she leant into him. He figured it was now or never and he was already dreading their reactions, knowing what he would say if he was in there shoes. Then again, they did have a tendency to surprise him. "Actually, we have something to tell you."

He could tell that Addison was anxious, the hand she had rested on his thigh had tightened, her fingers digging into his leg painfully. He rested his hand on top of her, prising her fingers off and tangling them with his. He kissed her cheek softly, trying to damp down his own nerves to be strong for her.

"Why do you look like you're going to crap yourselves?" Cristina snorted and Alex flipped her off automatically.

"I'm pregnant." Addison's words rushed out on an exhale. "12 weeks."

Everyone froze at her words and Izzie frowned. "Have you even been dating long enough for that?"

She yelped as Meredith kicked her hard. "She meant congratulations." She smiled at them and Addison hesitantly returned it. "So yeah, congratulations. Have you told anyone else?"

Alex shook his head. "You three are the first."

"Oh, can I be there when you tell Shepherd?" Cristina snickered. "He's going to kick your ass, Evil Spawn."

He paled slightly. "Don't remind me." He muttered and Addison kissed him quickly.

"What are you going to do?" Meredith asked. "A baby's a big step and as Iz said you haven't been dating that long…"

"We know it's a big step." She turned and smiled softly at him, and he stroked his thumb across her cheek. "But it happened and we, um, we want this. We're going to get a place together."

"God, you guys are nauseating." Cristina fake gagged. "Hey, they're having a kid. Karev, baby for sparkle pager."

"He's not trading our baby." Addison said, glaring at them as they went back to arguing over the pager.

"See." Alex murmured into her hair. "It was fine."

She hummed in agreement. "See if you feel the same when we tell everyone else."

"Please stop talking about it." He groaned.

* * *

"You like it then?" Alex asked Addison as they walked across the road to the hospital after viewing the apartment he had found.

She took his hand, smiling at him. "I loved it."

"Even though you could afford some place nicer?" He frowned, stopping just outside the main entrance to the hospital.

"Even though." She assured him, stepping closer into him and pressing her lips softly against his. "It's perfect for us. All three of us."

"We need to tell everyone else." He brushed his lips against hers again when she sighed. "Starting with the Chief."

After they had told the other interns the other day, they had lost their nerve a bit. However, knowing what everyone else's reaction would be, Alex was happy to delay telling them. Though what with them moving in together soon, and the fact it won't be long before Addison starts showing, he knew it was best to get it over sooner than later.

"I know, I know." She groaned. "Couldn't just leave me in my happy bubble, could you?"

He placed a hand on her back guiding her inside and towards the Chief's office. "You know me, Addie. Just like to make your more life difficult."

She laughed at that. "Only at work. You're actually quite charming at home."

"Me? Charming?" He pulled a face and she hit him. They reached the outside of the office and he pulled her to him, kissing the side of her head. "I really freaking love you, you know that?"

"I know." She smiled, kissing his cheek. "I love you too."

They knocked and walked in, the Chief groaning as he saw the pair of them. "Hey, Richard." She greeted with a tentative smile.

"What have you two done now?"

"We haven't done anything." Addison's voice was strangely high and Alex nudged her slightly. "We just have something to tell you."

He sighed. "Well sit down and spit it out then."

"I'm pregnant." The words spilled out of her as soon as she sat down and Alex tried his best not to nervously chuckle at the look on the Chief's face.

"You're pregnant?" He repeated slowly.

Addison nodded. "12 weeks." Alex added helpfully.

"Right." He said. "Right, who else knows?"

"Just Yang, Stevens and Meredith." She responded.

He nodded slowly. "Make sure you tell Shepherd and Sloan, preferably without causing a scene."

Alex looked at the clock. "Sorry, but I, um, I need to get to rounds."

The Chief waved his hand. "Right, sure. You can both go. And let me know if you need anything."

He moved to the door, Addison following him. The Chief caught her arm before she reached the door and spoke to her in a lowered voice. He loitered with his hand on the door handle, trying to pretend he wasn't listening in.

"Addie, you know what you're doing?" Webber murmured. "It's awfully fast."

"It wasn't planned." She repeated the words they had both used so many times in the last few weeks. "But it happened. We want this and we're happy… _I'm_ really happy. He loves me, Richard." She raised her eyes to his and smiled softly, which he couldn't help but return.

Webber let go of her arm with a nod. "Good. You need anything at all, you know where to find me."

She thanked him, before leaving the room with Alex. "Call the landlord." She said, cupping his face gently. "Say we want the apartment."

"Okay." He kissed her. "I'll call on my lunch break."

* * *

Alex hung up the phone after putting a deposit down on the apartment, leaning against the wall outside the hospital with a smile on his face. Everything seemed like it was falling in place and, surprisingly, instead of freaking him out, he was actually happy about it.

His thoughts went back to the conversation with Ava, _Rebecca_ , that started it all. He actively tried not to think about her now, given how things ended between them, but at times like this he couldn't help it. 'Barbecues and catch'. For the first time, he realised that maybe they were all right.

His moment of peace was rudely interrupted by someone grabbing his top and slamming him back against the wall. "What the Hell?" He yelled, just in time for Shepherd to move his hand back and slam his fist into Alex's face.

"Derek!" He heard Meredith yell as he clutched his face, Shepherd still pinning him to the wall.

A moment later someone pulled Shepherd off him and he looked up to see Sloan holding him back, Meredith looking between them in shock.

"What the Hell, dude?" He wiped at his face, peering at the back of his hand and seeing a smear of blood. "I'm fucking bleeding."

"You got Addison pregnant!" Derek yelled, causing several people to stare at them and Sloan to let go of Shepherd in shock.

"Addison's pregnant?" Sloan asked slowly.

Meredith was now looking at the scene nervously, stepping in between them. "I think we should calm down."

"You knew?" Derek's eyes fell on Meredith. "And didn't tell me."

"Addison told me the other day. And it is none of your business. I don't owe you anything, it's not like I'm your girlfriend."

Alex held his hand up. "Look, dude. Meredith isn't at fault, and I'm guessing Addie just told you so you don't really have a right to be pissed off. I'm willing to overlook you punching me if you accept that me and Addison having a kid is none of your business."

"Like Hell is it my business." He yelled at the same time as Mark speaking. "She's keeping it?"

"Hey, hey, hey." Alex had never been more glad to hear Bailey's voice in his life as in this moment; he now had two surgeons ready to punch him and he doubted Meredith would be able to stop them. "What the Hell is going on out here? Why is Karev bleeding?"

"Why doesn't he tell you?" Shepherd spat out, nodding in Alex's direction.

Bailey crossed her arms as she glared between them all. "I don't give a damn who tells me as long as someone starts talking!"

"Addie and I are having a baby." He muttered. "These two just found out."

Bailey sighed. "When are you two fools going to realise that Addison's life is none of your business? Get inside now." They didn't move and she raised an eyebrow. "Don't you have patients? Scram."

After they reluctantly left, Bailey turned to Meredith and Alex and sighed. "Grey, go inside and help Karev clean up." She rested a hand on his arm as they went to move into the building. "You still worried about screwing this up?" She asked him and he shrugged. "You'll be just fine then. Congratulations to both of you."

He nodded his thanks as they walked into the hospital. "Though if I see you at the centre of another fight, I will not be happy, you clear?"

He smirked at that, more comfortable at this side of Dr Bailey. "Clear."

"Meredith!" They all looked up as they heard Addison call out as she walked towards them. "You free? I need a resident to-" She froze as she saw Alex. "Honey, what happened to your face?"

She reached a hand up to cup his face and he winced as it came in contact. "You're charming ex-husband is what happened."

Addison looked at Bailey in shock. "Derek did this?"

Meredith nodded. "Also, Dr Sloan found out that you're pregnant…he did not take it too well."

"Crap." She muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose. He moved his hand to her arm and squeezed it reassuringly. "Well, I need to go and see this patient. Meredith, are you free?"

"Grey is going to patch your boyfriend up." Bailey said, rolling her eyes.

"Right, I'll go see if Stevens is free." She leaned up and kissed his uninjured cheek. "I'll see you after work."

* * *

Addison lay on the bed next to Alex in their new apartment, sighing loudly. He chuckled and moved his hand to cup her small bump, kissing her cheek.

"You've been over doing it." He murmured. "You need to relax more."

She turned her head to capture his lips. "We were moving. It is impossible to not over do it." She fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"Cute." He rolled his eyes at her. "You're spending tomorrow doing nothing though."

"We have boxes to unpack." She said, waving at the boxes around the room.

He pressed his lips to hers, biting down on her bottom lip and teasing a low moan from her. He pulled back, smirking. "We have all the time in the world for that. No rush."

She waved at her bump. "I'm 16 weeks pregnant. There's _some_ rush."

He chuckled at that, leaning down to brush his lips on her bump. "What do you think? Boy or girl?"

She ran her fingers through his hair, scratching her nails on his scalp. "Girl. Yesterday I thought it was a boy though."

"I like Adam." He said as he moved back up and wrapped his arm around her. "If it's a boy."

"Adam's a good name." She agreed. "Can you believe we're here? In bed, in our own apartment, baby on the way?"

"No. Keep thinking it's a dream."

She tensed slightly and he squeezed her shoulder. "A good dream?"

"The best dream." He assured her. "If it is a dream, I don't want to wake up."

"What happened to the guy who was so scared of commitment he yelled at me in a supply closet?" She teased.

He brushed his lips on her forehead. He wondered the same thing pretty much constantly, sometimes waking up in the middle of night and trying to fight the urge to run. Every time he did, he would take one look at Addison, red hair spread across the bed, face pressed against his shoulder, hand resting on the small curve of her stomach, and he would calm down. He knew he could never leave her, no matter how scared he got.

"He's still there." He replied. "I'm terrified all the time. But I love you, so…yeah."

"Cheesy." She teased. "I love you too."

"Good." He kissed her. "Now rest for you."

She rolled on top of him, straddling him as she leant down, her lips a fraction away from his, his hands instinctively moving to her hips. "Or we could rest later." She whispered.

"I love the second trimester." He smirked as he closed the gap between their lips.

* * *

Alex rushed into the exam room to find Addison lying down while Dr White stood prepping the ultrasound machine, ready for their 18 week scan.

"Sorry, I'm late." He moved to Addison's side and brushed his lips against the top of her head. "I was in a surgery."

Addison just rolled her eyes at him as Dr White smiled. "It's fine. We've got all the other tests and bits out the way, so you're just in time for the ultrasound." She squeezed some gel onto her stomach. "Addison was telling me you want to know the sex."

He chuckled, as Dr White started moving the wand over her stomach. "She knows ultrasounds too well. Even if you didn't tell us, Addie'd know in a split second."

She hit his arm lightly. "You were on my service for months. You'd know too. Don't try and pin it all on me."

"Fine, fine." He conceded. "We're too curious anyway. Wouldn't be able to handle not knowing."

"That's true, I have never understood how parents don't want to know, I-" She turned her head towards the doctor and noticed her frown. "Jane is everything okay?"

Dr White gave her a tense smile and nodded. "I'm just taking a closer look, Addison, no need to worry yet."

"No need to worry 'yet'?" Addison's voice went up a pitch and he squeezed her shoulder, stroking her hair softly. "Jane show me the monitor."

"Dr Montgomery, I-"

"Dr White, show me the damn monitor now!" She snapped.

The doctor reluctantly turned the screen to face them as she continued to hold the wand in place, tapping on the keyboard. Alex's eyes fixed on the screen and he felt his heart speed up as he once again saw the grainy image of their baby.

"Hey, look, Addie, it's a boy. We're having a boy." He turned to look at her, a smile on his face and tears in his eyes.

She shook her head. Her eyes were looking at a wall, avoiding looking at anything. There were tears down her face and she had bit down on her lip so hard, there was blood showing. "Look again, Alex."

"I don't understand." He refused to take his eyes off her, reaching for her hand when she yanked it away. "Addie, what's wrong?"

"Dr Karev, I'm sorry but there were some abnormalities on the ultrasound." Dr White said gently. "When I took a closer look, I saw there was no heartbeat…"

He opened his mouth, unable to form a sound. He was a surgeon, he knew he should be able to understand, to keep up with what she was saying, but his brain seemed to not be cooperating. "What?" He whispered.

"Our baby's dead, Alex." Addison grabbed the pillow off the bed behind her and threw it across the room. "He's fucking _dead._ "

"I'm so so sorry." Dr White said. "I'm going to give you two a moment alone and then I'll come back to discuss your options."

She left the room and they sat in silence. Addison was still adamantly not looking at him, tears streaming down her face and he sat with his head in his hands. He looked up as he heard a loud sob, moving instinctively when he saw her shaking slightly. He climbed onto the bed, wrapping his arms around her, ignoring how she fought against him, hitting his chest. "Get off me, Alex. Don't touch me. I don't want you to fucking touch me."

He hushed her gently, ignoring her protests, instead tightening his hold on her. He pulled her fully against him, rocking her softly as she cried. Eventually she stopped fighting, moving her hands to fist in his shirt, sobs wracking her body.

A tear made its way down his cheek, another following until there was a steady stream of silent tears running down his face. He continued to hold her, stroking his hand through her hair soothingly.

Her sobs calmed after a while and he slowed his rocking. "This is my fault." Her voice was hoarse. "I haven't felt him moving for the last couple of days. I wasn't worried though: I've spent so many years at work with mother's worrying about that, nearly always turns out to be nothing. Baby's asleep, or just in a position where they can't feel it properly." She lifted her head up to look him in the eye. "I should've been worried. It's my fault."

"Addie." He cupped her face, pressing his lips to her forehead. "It's not your fault. It wouldn't have made a difference…sometimes these things, they just happen. You know that."

"Why though?" Her voice wavered, and he felt his heart break as he looked at her, trying to fight his own tears as he could still feel her bump pressed against him. "Why us? We were happy…I was so freaking happy."

"I know." He muttered into her hair. "I know."

* * *

They had both calmed slightly, Addison still tightly pulled to Alex's chest when Dr White re-entered. She sat in the chair next to the bed, Addison's chart perched on her lap as she smiled sympathetically at them.

"Now, I know you both know your options already but I'm going to run over it for you. We can do nothing, send you home today and your labour will start naturally within the week or we can-"

"Induce it." Addison interrupted. She had pulled away from Alex and was sat rigidly on the bed. Her face was devoid of emotion and her jaw was clenched tightly. In that moment, Alex barely recognised her. "Induce the labour. I just want it over with."

"Okay then." Dr White lay a hand on Addison's arms reassuringly as she stood, the sound of Alex's pager cut through the room. "I'll just get the paperwork sorted, then we'll get you in a gown and administer the drugs."

Addison nodded sharply and his pager went off again. "You should get that."

He shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere. No way am I going to answer my pages now. Not with this."

She stared at him, moving her hand away when he laid his on it. "You should go. People need to know we're not coming back to work."

He shot a pleading look between Addison and Dr White, the former steadfastly ignoring his gaze. "Alex." The doctor started. "Go and tell someone while we get ready. It'll be a while before anything happens, you'll be back in time."

He sighed, standing up and brushing a kiss to her forehead. "I love you, Addie." She remained silent, still looking at her hands. "I'll be right back."

* * *

Alex walked into the ER and was instantly grabbed by Meredith.

"Where the Hell have you been?" She snapped. "I've paged you so many times."

He opened his mouth to respond, unable to get a sound out. He shook his head and swallowed harshly. "Have you seen Bailey? Or the Chief?"

She frowned at his expression. "What's wrong?" He shook his head again and Meredith called Bailey over from where she just walked in.

"Grey, what is it?" Meredith nodded at Alex and they both looked at him expectantly. He begged his body to respond, but all he could think of was Addison's face as she threw the pillow across the room, his stomach dropping when he realised their baby was dead. "Karev!" Bailey snapped.

"I'm, um, I'm going to need the rest of the day off." He managed to whisper. It all felt surreal, like it couldn't possibly be happening to him, to _them._ "We just had an ultrasound but there was no heartbeat. Our baby is... he's dead."

Before he knew what happened, Meredith's arms were wrapped around him, squeezing tightly and he instinctively returned the embrace. Bailey's expression fell into a sympathetic frown and she softened her voice, resting a hand in his arm. "Is there anything we can do?"

He started to shake his head before stopping. "Can you, uh, can you let everyone know? I don't think I can say it again. We're inducing the labour this afternoon so if you could just ask Webber if me and Addison can have some time..."

"Of course." The two women shared an anxious glance, before venturing forward with another question. "How's Addison doing?"

"Shit." He exhaled sharply, scrubbing his hand over his face. "I don't know what to do to help her, I can't even imagine how hard this is for her. I feel broken and I'm not the one who has to fucking push our baby out of them now. She doesn't want me near her, keeps pushing me away, and I'm trying to be strong but, God, I don't know what to do."

"Just be there for her." Meredith said. "Don't let her push you away. I can't imagine what you are going through, this really sucks." He let out a humourless laugh at the understatement.

"You just focus on each other." Bailey patted him slightly. "We'll handle everyone else. Now go and be with her."

He nodded his thanks and went to go back to Addison, getting in the next elevator. He felt sick inside as he thought about what to come, and he leaned against the wall to calm himself. No matter what happened, or how he was feeling, he knew it must be 10 times harder for her. He took a steadying breath in as he reached the OB floor, stepping out as he resolved to do his best to stay strong for her.

* * *

It was hours later when it came to the time for Addison to push and it had felt like the longest 13 hours of his life. He stroked his hand on her forehead, pushing back the sweaty hair from her eyes. She turned her face into his hand, letting out a sob.

"I don't think I can do this." She whimpered, and he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Sure you can, Addie." He tried his best to sound reassuring. "You can do anything, you're amazing. And I'm right here." He squeezed her hand tightly. "I'm not going anyway."

She nodded, tears still steadily streaming down her face, her cries getting louder as another contraction made its way through her body.

"Addison, you really need to start pushing now." Dr White said softly. "On your next contraction I need you to push, okay?"

Addison gave a small nod, her eyes fixed on Alex's as he squeezed her hand again. "You can do this. Promise."

If he thought earlier was the longest time of his life, the time Addison spent delivering their baby, although nowhere near as long, easily over took it. It killed him seeing her in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it; the only thing he could offer being soft words and gentle touches.

When the moment came when it was over, he wished he could go back. Back a day, a week, a month. Back to a time when they didn't have to decide whether they wanted to see their dead son, where they were laying in bed laughing, picking out baby names, arguing what colour the nursery should be.

"I don't want to see him." Addison whispered. "I don't think I can see him. If I hold him…I won't want to let go."

Dr White nodded in understanding and he couldn't help but feel relieved; he wasn't sure he could cope either. As the doctors cleared up and left the room, he climbed up onto the bed with Addison, holding her as she turned her face into his chest.

"This doesn't feel real." She murmured. "It is like a horrible dream. I keep waiting to wake up."

He stroked her hair, kissing her forehead. "We'll be okay. Maybe not for a long while, but it will."

She didn't respond, and he didn't blame her. Even to him his words sounded empty and worthless.

* * *

Alex stood in the kitchen, attempting to make them some dinner while Addison had a shower. He was exhausted. He hadn't thought it possible to be more tired than his first 48 hours as an intern but this had definitely topped it. He could only think of how tired Addison must be; neither of them having any sleep in the last few days at the hospital, her having to go through labour as well.

He swore loudly as he smelt burning, looking down to find the meal ruined. He picked the pan up and threw it in the sink, filling up with water as he leaned against the counter wth his head in his hands. He had no idea how long he had been distracted by his own thoughts for, but knew it must have been long enough that Addison should have been out the shower.

He moved to their bedroom, pausing outside the bathroom door when he heard the water running still. He hesitated outside before pushing the door open. His heart broke at what he saw. Addison was sat in the shower, fully clothed, sobbing as she hugged her knees.

He stripped his shirt and jeans off and climbed into the shower next to her, just as she raised her head to look at him. He pulled her to her feet and wordlessly stripped her of her soaking clothes. She was shaking with tears as he pulled her to him, hushing her softly as she clung to him.

"I've got you, Addie." He muttered into her hair.

Alex pulled back enough to grab the shampoo and started carefully washing her hair. After he finished he shut the shower off, reaching out for a towel to wrap her in. He guided her out of the shower to their room, sitting her down on the bed. He routed through his drawers to find one of his old college t-shirts and pulled it over her head.

After changing into some fresh boxers, he climbed under the covers with her, holding her tight against him. "I don't know how I'm going to get through this." She whispered through her tears. "You heard what Jane said, saw my tests…I probably won't be able to conceive again. Won't ever have a baby."

He combed his fingers through her wet hair, trying to fight back his own tears. "I don't know either, Addie." He admitted, pressing his lips to her forehead. "But we will. We have to."

* * *

Alex came from home from work, calling out to Addison as he walked through the door. He had gone back to work 3 weeks before, not wanting to fall behind in his residency on top of everything else. He hadn't felt like he was helping much at home either; no matter how hard he tried to be supportive and strong for her. One minute, she was clinging to him while she cried, the next she could be screaming at him, throwing whatever she could towards him.

He understood of course. Knew that she was going through the most unimaginable thing happening. He never held it against her at any point, just shaking his head when she would try to apologise. He could take it and if she needed a way to vent her feelings, he was happy to oblige.

"Addie?" He called out again, glancing up to see her leaning on the door frame to their bedroom and his breath caught.

She was dressed in nothing but lacy black underwear and she was playing with a lock of her hair, twirling it around her finger as she looked at him. She crossed the room, trailing her hands up his chest and looping them around his neck, biting her lip as he swallowed visibly.

"Addie?" He questioned, as she played with the short hair on the base of his neck.

"So, I went for my 6 week check-up today. And was cleared for physical activity, so I thought we could…" She trailed off, suddenly looking hesitant. "Unless you don't want to?"

He hurried to reassure her, resting his hands on her hips as he leant down to capture her lips with his. He ran his tongue over her lips softly, taking the opportunity to draw her bottom lip between his teeth and elicit a moan from her. "Oh trust me Addie. I want to."

She let out a giggle as he picked her up and the sound warmed his heart. He carried her to the bed, laying her down as he stripped himself of his top and jeans. He climbed on top of her, tangling his fingers in her hair as he moved his lips to hers again. He tugged on her hair slightly, causing her to let out a breathy moan and arch into him. He pulled back to undo her bra, pausing as he looked down at her, a smile on his face as he cupped her face.

"God, I love you so much, Addie."

She gave him a soft smile back. "I love you too."

* * *

"How's Addison doing?" Meredith asked him as she found him perched on the gurney in the tunnels.

Alex shrugged and gave her a small smile. "She said she was going to come back to work. I think she's getting better. She seems better."

"That's good, Alex. That's really good." She sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

He broke the silence after awhile. "So, you and Shepherd again?"

"I was ready…you were right." She shrugged. "I made a house out of freaking candles."

"Dude, that's dedication. And I'm always right." He rested his head on top of hers. "Me and Addison had sex last night."

"Way to go." She said, rolling her eyes.

"It was the first time since, you know." He shrugged at that; he was still unable to say the words and he was sure that was a huge form of denial, not that he could bring himself to care.

She nodded, then bumped her knees against him. "I know everyone just keeps asking about Addison, but how are you coping?"

He shrugged. He'd spent so much of the last 6 weeks worrying about Addison, he barely had time to think about everything else. He knew that it maybe was deflection, but, at the end of the day, she needed him and he liked to think he was helping. "I'm okay." She gave him a skeptical look. "I really think I am. Addison seems to be getting better, I think everything's going to be okay."

Her pager went off and she checked it, before sighing and kissing his cheek. "My interns are idiots." She stood up, smiling at him before she left. "Take care of yourself, alright?"

He nodded, and gave her a genuine smile. "You're a good friend, Mer."

"Sap." She called over her shoulder.

* * *

Alex opened the door to their apartment after his shift, calling out to announce he was home. After his conversation with Meredith, and the previous night with Addison, he was feeling much more positive, which definitely translated to his surgery today, and he was eager to share it.

"Hey Addie, I kicked ass in surgery today, you'd be proud." He frowned as he bent down and picked up the post; it wasn't like Addison to leave it on the ground. "Oh, also Shepherd got stabbed in the hand with a scalpel by McRebound, thought you'd like to know that."

He paused for her response, his frown deepening when there was no response. "Addie?" He called, wandering into the kitchen diner and finding it empty. "Addie, where are you?" He crosses to their bedroom opening the door, finding the bed made and no sign of her.

He moved to the bathroom, knocking of the door and calling her name, feeling panic rising up inside him as the door pushed open to reveal an empty room. Rationally, he knew she was a grown up and could go out if she wanted, but the last few weeks she only left the apartment for her check ups at the hospital, in fact she rarely even left the bed.

Alex moved to the only room in their apartment he hadn't checked and paused, staring at the closed door. He hadn't been in this room, the one intended for their baby, since just after he returned from the hospital. He took a deep breath and pushed the door open, not surprised to find it empty. His gaze fell on the cot, the only piece of furniture in the room, and remembered when he brought it home.

It was only a few days before their whole world fell apart and he was nervous at the time that Addison would be annoyed he picked a cot without him. He had fallen in love when he saw it though. It was nothing special, just plain white wood, but he could picture them using it as soon as he lay eyes on it. It seemed foolish now; so insignificant in comparison to what happened.

He moved to shut the door when he caught sight of a note pinned to the wood. He crossed the room and pulled it free, his hands shaking as he read the words on the piece of the paper.

 _Alex,_

 _I'm sorry that I had to do this. I can't be here anymore, not after everything, it's too hard. Last night was wonderful, the perfect goodbye and I will always hold it in my heart. Please don't blame yourself, you've been perfect, you always have been._

 _All my love, always._

 _Addie_

He felt as though his heart missed a beat, his hand clenched around the note, creasing it at the edges. It didn't seem real, he was sure it couldn't be true. He moved automatically to their bedroom, throwing open their closet. He stood staring at the huge empty space and he felt all the emotions from the last few weeks come back in full force.

He didn't know what the fuck he was supposed to do.

* * *

Alex stood on Meredith's doorstep, a holdall clutched in his hand as he waited for her to answer the door. He was wet from the rain, shaking slightly in the cold and he still had Addison's note clutched in his fist.

The door swung open and Meredith stood on the other side, a shocked expression on her face. "Alex, what the Hell? Come in, it's freezing and you're soaking."

She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the hall and he dropped his bag as she closed the door behind him. "Alex." She said softly, resting a hand on his shoulder while he resisted the urge to shrug it off. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at home? With Addison?"

"Can I-" His voice was thick with unshed tears and he tried to clear his throat uselessly. "Can I stay here for a bit?"

Meredith's frown deepened and she steered him to the couch, slinging the blanket over his shivering frame. "Alex, what happened? Did you and Addison have a fight?"

He shook his head sharply, annoyed as a tear slipped out of his eyes. "She's gone, Mer. She's left. I can't be there without her."

"What do you mean?"

He shoved the note into her hands roughly, looking at his lap as she read it, desperately trying to blink back tears. "She left…me. I…I, um, I don't know if she's coming back." He swallowed the sob which was threatening to escape. "I don't think she's coming back."

Meredith put down the note, looking up at the doorway to where Derek and Izzie stood looking at the scene with shocked pained expressions. Alex hadn't noticed them or, if he had, he was determinedly ignoring their presence. She shifted closer to him, wrapping her arms around him tightly in spite of the way his body tensed.

"Oh, Alex. Of course you can stay. As long as you want." He dropped his head to his hands and she rested her head on his shoulder as he shook silently with tears. "You know this is always your home too."

"She's really gone." He whispered. "What am I going to do? I thought she was getting better." His voice broke on the end and Meredith hushed him softly.

"What you're going to do is have a hot shower and get into some dry clothes. Then we're going to grab a bottle of tequila and drink until you forget, okay?"

He nodded uselessly. He wasn't sure he wanted to forget; he had spent so much of his time recently trying to forget and move on without actually dealing with what had happened. He had tried so hard to be strong for Addison, that he actually began to think he was okay. That he had dealt with it. Only Addison had left and he felt all the pain of the last few months crash around him.

He stood, pushing wordlessly past Izzie and Shepherd, ignoring their sympathetic words. Grabbing his holdall, he headed up to the bathroom and turned the shower on as hot as he could stand it. He stood under the water, letting it run over his face and feeling the warmth slowly returning to his body.

He felt the tears start to escape, slowly at first before he was crying so much he didn't know what was his tears and what was the shower water. He cried for the baby they had lost, without ever having the chance to properly meet him. He cried for Addison, for her being gone and him having no idea where. He cried for losing the two people he loved more than anything else in his world.

He cried because he was alone and, _God_ , he already missed her.


	3. Part Three

**A/N: So this is the final part, thanks to everyone who is reading this. Stay tuned for another note at the end!**

* * *

 **6 months later**

Alex was sat in the cafeteria, picking at his food half heartedly when Meredith rushed up to him.

"I need to talk to you." She stated nervously, shifting slightly from one foot to the other.

He frowned up at her. "If this is about Yang picking me for the solo surgery over you... I'm sorry alright? Figured you were a shoe in for it. You can scrub in with me though."

Meredith shook her head and took a deep breath, before blurting out what she had to say. "Addison's here."

He felt his heart stop and stared at her in disbelief, sure that she couldn't have said what he thought she did. "What?" He breathed.

"Addison's here." She moved her hand to his shoulder and squeezed it tightly. "The Chief asked her to come for the ectopic cordis case. I'm her resident."

"I, um, I..." He picked up his drink and downed it all at once, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. "Where is she?"

She winced as she looked at him. "Alex, there's something you should know before-"

"Where the Hell is she, Meredith?!" He cut her off with a yell, causing a nearby table of interns to look over at them worriedly.

"She's talking to the parents." She sighed. "But Alex, you really should know-"

Her words were useless though as he'd already taken off on the direction he knew she was, his heart feeling like it was pounding in his ears. He couldn't believe she was here. Not after 6 months of no contact and unanswered phone calls; not knowing where she was or if she was okay. It felt like a dream, one he'd had frequently enough. He'd roll over in bed and she'd still be there, he'd come home from work to find her curled on the couch with take out, or he'd scrub in for a surgery to find her in the OR. He still wasn't convinced that this wasn't the same again.

He froze by the nearby nurse's station as he caught sight of her through the door to the patient's room. Even though she had her back to him, he would recognise that red hair anywhere. It was longer than when he last saw her, reaching down to the middle of her back. His hands itched to run through it, to tangle his fingers in it as he held her close.

He suddenly wasn't so sure he wanted to see her. He'd been dreaming and wishing for this moment since the second she left him. Yet, somehow, he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to face her, to face what he lost, to beg and plead for her to come back. Because he was sure, in spite of the fact that she left him with nothing more than a note, he would take her back. Without a second thought.

The decision taken out of his hands though as she turned round. Alex felt as though his heart dropped into his stomach as his gaze travelled down her figure and caught sight of a small curve to her stomach.

He was struggling to control his breathing, when he saw Meredith approach him out of the corner of his eye. "She's pregnant." His voice was strangled.

Meredith sighed slightly. "I tried to warn you."

"I just… _Fuck_." It was the only sentiment he could get out; the only thing that was clear through all his emotions.

They watched as she replaced the chart on the end of the patient's bed, a faint smile on her face as she headed out the room. She moved towards the nurse's station, freezing as her eyes landed on him, the smile falling off her face.

"Addie." He breathed.

She said nothing, just blinked as she stared at him, her body tense and a hand resting on her stomach protectively, her teeth finding her lip instinctively. He took a hesitant step towards her, which seemed to break her out of her daze. She spun on her heel and hurried off before he could reach out for her.

"Alex-" Meredith rested her hand on his arm and he shook her off.

"Don't." He warned. "I have a solo surgery to prepare for."

He walked off without another word.

* * *

Alex headed to the scrub room before his surgery, running the steps of a below the knee amputation over and over in his head, trying to keep his thoughts clear of anything else. Unfortunately, the world clearly had other ideas as he heard raised voices through the scrub room door. He paused outside as he recognised who they belonged to.

"You left!" He heard Meredith yell, and he clenched his fists slightly. "You did exactly what you accused Derek of doing back in New York. Things got tough and you quit, you _ran_!"

"Dr Grey." Addison's voice sounded cold but Alex could detect the waver in it. "I fail to see how this is any of your business."

"Like Hell is it my business! Alex is like family to me and you leaving broke him. He turned up on my doorstep, soaking wet and clutching a fucking note! So yeah, I think you'll find it is my business."

Alex scrubbed a hand over his face, sighing slightly before opening the door and entering, noticing the way they both fell silent as he walked in. "Meredith, leave her alone."

"But. Alex-"

"No, Mer." He snapped. "This is none of your business. Just leave her the Hell alone okay?!"

They both turned round at the sound of the door slamming shut to find Addison gone.

"Shit." He muttered. "Why the Hell did you speak to her like that?"

She looked down at her feet sheepishly and he rolled his eyes at her. "We'd just finished the surgery and I don't know… I just got mad. She walked in here after 6 months, pregnant with another man's kid and no one was saying anything."

"It wasn't your place to say anything." He breathed out, shaking his head slightly. "And you have no idea. No idea how hard it was for us, for her especially."

"She _left_ you, Alex." She frowned at him and he smiled at him sadly.

"I don't blame her." She looked at him incredulously. "I'm not saying I haven't tried, tried so damn hard to move on, to hate her for leaving but I can't. I don't like it, but I understand why she did it."

Meredith reached out a hand and squeezed his gently, and he reluctantly returned it. "Are you okay?"

"I'm freaking out, Mer. I'm supposed to be doing my first solo surgery and I'm struggling to even focus on that because my ex-girlfriend has turned up, 4 months pregnant. How the Hell does that even happen?"

She gave him a sad smile. "Stop freaking out. If you screw this up, and kill this guy, I'm gonna be pissed. Then I'll know I should've won it. You have to kick ass in there, Alex. You have no choice."

He nodded sharply, turning and starting to scrub. "I still love her, Mer." He whispered.

"I know."

"I need you to scrub in with me." Meredith wordlessly moved to the sinks and started scrubbing next to him, when the door banged open and the Chief walked in.

"Big night in there, you ready Karev?" Alex remained silent, focusing on cleaning his arms as he tried to damp down his panic. "You ready?" He repeated.

He caught Meredith's eye as she gave him a small smile. "He's ready." She told the Chief.

Alex most definitely did not feel ready.

* * *

Alex did not feel the sense of excitement, the accomplishment he thought he would feel after his first successful solo surgery. He knew the reason why; knew Addison's appearance in the hospital was screwing with his head. So, after scrubbing out, he sidestepped the other resident's congratulations and jealous comments, heading up to the NICU where he hoped to find her.

He peered through the glass as he approached the room and saw her stood by the incubator, her hand stroking the baby's arm softly. He pushed the door open quietly, moving inside and leaning against the wall, watching her with a sad smile on his face.

"I had my first solo surgery today." He spoke, watching her body tense up. "First of all the residents to get one."

"Congratulations." Her voice was quiet and he was shocked she said anything at all.

"So, the Chief knew where you were?" He let out a humourless laugh. "I thought he did. Wouldn't tell me no matter how many times I asked though."

"I was in LA. My friends from med school own a private practice there."

He nodded slightly, even though she still had her back to him. "LA suits you."

It was true, as much as he hated to admit it. In spite of her visible discomfort while talking to him, she looked almost glowing. Her skin was slightly tanned and, now he was up close, he could see her hair was lighter as well as longer. Her free hand was resting on her stomach, which really did have the perfect little bump.

"I don't blame you." He started as he removed his scrub cap and fiddled with it absently. "For leaving. In spite of what Mer said…I know you did what you felt was best. I don't blame you."

She finally turned around, nervously meeting his eye and he could see a small drop of blood on her lip, from where she must have been chewing it. "You don't hate me?" She asked, cautiously.

He shook his head sadly. "I could never hate you, Addie." He shrugged, feeling brave. "I love you."

Her whole body tensed and her gaze once again fell away from his. "Are you happy?"

"What?" Her voice cracked slightly as he shrugged uselessly.

He waved a hand in the direction of her stomach. "With whoever you're with in LA. I, um, I want you to be happy."

He was almost surprised to find his words were true. No matter how much it was killing him, seeing her like that, not being with her, all he wanted was for her to be okay. He knew they weren't together long enough for her to owe him anything; in spite of everything they'd gone through in that time or how he felt about her. In fact, they'd been apart now longer than they ever were a couple.

He spotted a few tears start to make their way down her cheeks as she gave him a small shrug and a sad smile. He nodded sharply in response. "I didn't think you were meant to be able to get pregnant again."

"I wasn't." She breathed out.

"I'm glad that Dr White was wrong." He moved away from the wall and grabbed the door handle, pulling it open. "You're going to be an amazing mom, Addie."

He was halfway out the door when her voice stopped him. "Alex, wait." He turned round, moving back into the room and letting the door slam shut.

"I'm, um, I'm not with anyone. I got sad and drunk one night, I missed you…" Her voice wavered as she moved her hand up to wipe the tears away. "I missed you and Pete, this guy from work, he was there. That's it. Just one drunken mistake; there's nothing between us. I just thought you should know."

"Thank you." He whispered, reaching out to wipe the rest of her tears away. He cupped her face softly and pressed his lips to her forehead, ignoring how she tensed against him. He pulled back slightly, catching her eye as he tipped her head back slightly, hovering his lips over hers.

He watched her swallow visibly, before he darted forwards to press a quick kiss to her lips. She blinked up at him when he pulled back, before she closed the distance between them again with another soft kiss. This time they were interrupted by the sound of his pager and she took a large step back away from him.

"You should get that." She whispered, her eyes not meeting his.

He glanced at the pager and then back up at her. "I'll catch you later." She shook her head sharply and he tried to ignore the pain her reaction caused. "Addie?"

His pager went again, breaking the uneasy silence between them. "You should get that." She repeated, moving past him and leaving the room.

He had no idea what to do; he felt just like she had left him again. For the first time since they had first started dating he had no clue as to what was going through her mind, as to whether she even wanted him anymore. He thought that the fact she felt the need to tell him she wasn't dating anyone else was a pretty indication she still felt the same about him. But then he pictured her fleeing the room, leaving him with the intention not to talk again, and realised he really couldn't tell her thoughts at all.

His thoughts were interrupted by his pager, which he pulled off his lab coat and flung to the floor. It didn't stop it from going off again and he bent to pick it up.

"Fuck." He yelled, wincing as he remembered the new born baby in the room. He left the room with a final glance at his pager and another muttered curse word.

He had no clue what he was going to do.

* * *

Alex settled onto the gurney in the tunnels when Izzie flopped down next to him with a smile on her face. He looked sideways at her, his frown deepening.

"I hear Addison's here." He tried to resist the urge to snap back in annoyance at her happy tone; he was almost sick of thinking about it, especially didn't want to talk to Izzie about it.

"I hear you forgot to open the clinic this morning." He countered, raising an eyebrow as he looked towards her.

She shrugged, the smile not slipping off her face. "I was busy."

"Are you okay?" He asked; more comfortable with the focus on the conversation being on her. "Only it's your clinic, _Denny's_ clinic."

"I know." She shrugged. "I'm happy."

"Are you seeing someone?" He asked, a note of surprise slipping into his voice. As he said it, he realised it sort of made sense; her odd behaviour, unusual happiness and slipping off at random intervals throughout the day.

"Sort of." She said cryptically. "Are you?"

"Seeing someone?" He frowned at that, wondering how they became so distant when they used to be so close.

She shook her head. "Happy?"

He gave her an incredulous look. "The woman I love and who left me 6 months ago is back and pregnant with another man's baby. And she's leaving again soon."

"Don't let her." She gave him an alarmingly bright smile, and he made a note to maybe listen to George about his concerns. "I'm happy, you should be too."

"Yeah, whatever." He muttered, even though he sensed the truth behind her words.

He was glad when their moment was interrupted by Meredith walking up, frowning when she spotted Izzie. "Iz, what the Hell are you doing here? George has been paging you constantly, you're meant to be in the clinic."

Meredith shot him a concerned look as Izzie sighed dramatically and wandered off, before taking the seat she had just vacated. "What's up with her?"

"I have no idea." He replied honestly.

She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "Should we be worried?"

"Probably." He chuckled darkly. "Kind of got my own problems though."

"Right, Addison."

"Addison." He echoed.

She tipped her head back to look him in the eye, and he looked away, uncomfortably. "You know what you're gonna do?"

He shrugged; he'd be wondering what to do all day. "I kissed her earlier. I just wanted to talk but I was there and she was right in front of me. I couldn't help it." He rubbed his hand over his face. "She's leaving tonight. I heard Bailey say."

"She's not with anyone?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

He shook his head. "It was one night with a coworker."

"You really still love her? After everything?" Her voice was soft and he wanted to pull away from it, from the whole conversation.

"You know I do." His voice was thick and he cleared his throat awkwardly, not willing to cry in front of her.

"She's having another man's kid." He nodded sharply, staring at the gurney on the other side of the hall to avoid her gaze. "Can you live with that?"

"What?"

She shrugged. "She may not be my favourite person, not after how she left you, but I know what she's been through. I'm not going to tell you to go after her if the fact she's pregnant is a deal-breaker for you. It's not fair on either of you."

He paused, mulling her words over in his head. She was right, he knew that. "I love her. I can't live without her. I don't want to live without her." He sighed. "I know how much having a baby means to her, how devastated she was at not being able to have one."

"Is that an answer?"

He shrugged, dislodging Meredith's head from his shoulder. "I could do it. For Addie, I would do it."

"Then you know what to do." She gave him a small smile. "Remember what you said to me? You two didn't go through all of this crap to end up with other people."

He chuckled in response to that. "If I get her back, will you stop being a bitch to her?"

"I make no promises." She teased, as he nudged her playfully. "Go on, go stop her from leaving."

He stood, straightening his scrubs as he made to leave. He got halfway down the corridor when he turned, glancing back at Meredith nervously. "Mer!" He called. "Do you think she'll stay? Think she'll want to be with me?"

"I wouldn't tell you to go after her if I didn't think you had a chance, Alex." He nodded at that, before heading off to find Addison.

* * *

Alex watched as Addison moved down the corridor, removing her lab coat. He sighed as his eyes travelled over her figure, from the the red hair she was shaking out of her ponytail down to the small bump visible through her shirt.

He shook his head slightly before pushing off against the wall he was leaning against and making his way towards her unseen. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the supply closet, closing the door behind them and blocking her exit.

She pulled her arm free from his grasp and glared at him. "What the Hell, Karev?"

"So, its Karev now?" He asked, a sad smile crossing his face.

She bit her lip, eyes flickering to the ground. "Alex."

"I've missed you." He admitted, taking a step towards her, noticing the way her breath hitched. "Come home."

Her lips pursed slightly as she shook her head. "Don't do this." Her voice was thick with unshed tears. "I can't do this."

"Addison, _please._ " His voice was thick as he reached out towards her, resting his hand on her hip. "I love you."

A sob broke out of her as she pressed the heel of her hands against her eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears. She took a step back, her body now pressed against the wall as his hand fell uselessly away. "It's not enough Alex." Her voice was no more than a whisper. "You know that."

"Tell me you don't love me and I'll walk away."

She shook her head. "Alex-"

He stepped into her space, his fingers circling her wrists and pulling her hands away from her face. "Addison, you say the words. Tell me you don't feel the same about me and I'll never bother you again. But you have to say it."

She met his eyes finally, shook her head slowly. "I'm not going to lie to you, Alex. You know how I feel."

"Then why?" His voice was more of a plea than he was willing to admit. "Why is it not enough?"

She smiled sadly, her fingers tracing patterns on his wrists. "It's not the first time we've been down this road. We only ended up getting hurt."

"It's different this time, Addison."

"How is it?"

He reached up, cupping her face softy. "We're different."

"Are we?" She learnt briefly into his touch. "I can't get hurt again, Alex. I'm not strong enough."

"I don't want to hurt you Addison." He pressed his lips against her forehead. "I won't."

"It's not you I'm worried about."

He glanced pointedly down at her stomach, resting his hand on the curve slightly. "Is that what this is about?"

She let out a harsh laugh at that. "How can you be so fucking stupid? Of course it's about that."

"It's still different. It will work out this time, I know it." He pleaded desperately.

"Why do you think it'll be different? Because you think I won't lose it this time? Or because it's not your baby?" He winced and she shook her head at him. "You must have known that though. Before I told you."

"Of course I knew that, knew it from the second I saw you. I might not be as smart as you but I'm not fucking stupid. We haven't slept together in months." He snapped.

She let out a frustrated groan. "Then why pull that face?"

"Because you are acting like the only one of us who has been hurt!" He yelled and she flinched, moving away from him. He took a steadying breath, unshed tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry but it's true. I lost a baby too. I know it was worse for you, but that baby, _our_ baby, I wanted him. I loved him. And it broke me."

She reached out for him, before thinking better of it. "Alex, you didn't say anything."

"How could I?" He gave her a sad smile, grabbing the hand that had fallen to her side. "You were a mess and I wanted to be strong for you. Then you pushed me away, and you left."

"Alex, I-"

"I'm just saying don't pretend I haven't been hurt just as much as you. I lost a baby and, worst of all, I lost you. You were _everything_ to me."

"Were?" She breathed out.

"Are." He corrected. "You are everything to me."

She pursed her lips. "I could still lose this baby though. I'm not exactly young and with my history…I shouldn't even be able to get pregnant."

"Perhaps." He admitted, pulling her fully to him. "But that would happen whether we were together or not, Addie."

She shrugged against his chest, reaching a hand up to wipe at her eyes again. "Addie, there aren't many regrets I have about us but letting you leave, not trying to find you, is the biggest one. If the worst should happen, I promise you I will be there for you, I'll support you and I will not let you pull away. I love you."

Another sob overtook her as she pulled back from his chest to look him on the eye. "Alex, do you really believe that we could work? That we will be okay?"

"I do." He said earnestly, moving his hands up to frame her face, wiping at the tears gently.

"Aren't you scared?" She whispered

He let out a chuckle at that. "Terrified. I've never done commitment before you, remember?"

"This is a big deal. Even if everything works out the baby is still not yours. Can you live with that? Playing Dad to another man's child?"

He was silent for a moment, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck anxiously. "Look, I'm not going to pretend it doesn't bother me at all but I already love that kid. How could I not? You're going to be it's mom; it's part of _you_. And I adore everything about you."

"You can't leave or quit. Even if me and you break up. You still have to be there for them." Her voice wavered as she rested a hand on her stomach, more tears falling as his hand joined hers there.

"I'm not going to go anywhere Addie." He paused, studying her carefully. "Does that mean you're in?"

She gave a small nod and a hesitant smile flicked across his face. "You have to say it."

"I'm in." She whispered, returning his small smile with one of her own. "I'm still scared but I'm tired of pulling away from you."

He dipped his head to capture her lips as he pulled her to him. He ignored the salty taste of tears as he cupped her face, his thumb tracing her cheekbone. She let out a soft sigh as she laced her fingers behind his neck, pulling back and resting her forehead against his.

"I'm fucking terrified of screwing this up." He admitted. "Do you trust me?"

She drew her lip into her mouth and worried it between her teeth. He held his breath as he anxiously waited for her to respond. "I trust that you wouldn't deliberately hurt me." Addison eventually stated, her voice measured and her words careful. "You've never deliberately hurt me. Not since the beginning anyway."

"Will you come home with me then?" He asked, pulling back and extending his hand towards her.

She moved to take it, pausing with her hand just inches away from his. "Alex… you know that this is more than likely the only child I'll be able to have. The fact that I got pregnant again at all is a miracle in itself. If you stay with me, if you stay… you won't ever get to have a child of your own."

Alex gave her a lopsided smile, closing the distance between their hands and entwining his fingers with hers. "I'll still get to be a dad. How much does genetics even matter? And besides, you are more than enough for me. I don't need a child to be happy, Addie. I just need you."

She nodded at his response, squeezing his fingers. "Did I answer right?" He teased. "Pass your test?"

She rolled her eyes fondly at him, tugging on his hand causing him to stumble forward. She kissed his cheek gently. "Take me home, Alex."

* * *

They reached the outside of the apartment when Addison paused at the door. She had been quiet on the drive over and Alex was worried, beginning to think she was doubting her decision. He rested a hand on the small of her back, and she flinched slightly. He smiled sadly as he remembered a time when she used to lean into his touch.

"You okay?" He asked softly, and she shook herself out of her daze enough to smile at him. "Not having any regrets are you?"

She turned into him, resting her hand on his chest and he relaxed marginally. "Never." She raised herself on her tiptoes enough to kiss his cheek. "It's just weird…being back."

He wordlessly grabbed her hand, entwining her fingers with his, and unlocked the door, pushing it open. Her gaze lingered on a photo of them that hung in the hall as he pulled her through to the living room.

"It looks the same."

He chuckled. "I haven't changed anything." He reached out and tugged on a loose strand of hair teasingly. "You were always the one who liked interior design."

She rolled her eyes at his teasing, still scrutinising the space. "I think we need a rug. A nice one. Maybe stripes." She pondered that for a while before nodding her head decisively. "Definitely stripy."

"You're staying then? Definitely?" His eyes flicked towards hers and away again nervously.

She stepped towards him until her body was flush against his and cupped his face in both hands. "Alex, I'm not going anywhere again." She lightly brushed her lips against his, before pulling back and biting her lip slightly. "I love you."

His breath caught slightly. "That's the first time you've said it since, you know."

"Did you really think I'd stopped?" She asked and he shrugged awkwardly, unsure what else to do. She moved even more into him, resting her forehead against his. "Alex. You know I didn't leave because I stopped loving you, right? I love you so much, and I won't stop. Not ever."

He crashed his lips against hers, moving his hand up to fist in her hair, tugging it lightly to draw a throaty moan out of her. "Good." He murmured as he drew back slightly.

"Let's take my bag to our room." She smiled at him; the confident, saucy smile he had missed so much. The smile that drew him in and that meant he would really would follow her to the end of the Earth if she asked. For today though, he settled for just following her to their room.

She dropped her bag to the floor, before turning towards him. She bit her lip as she moved her hands to her shirt, slowly starting to unbutton it. He took a step forward and covered her hands with his, stilling her movements.

"Addie." He reached one hand up to lightly stroke her cheekbone. "We don't have to do this tonight."

She went to bite her bottom lip but he moved his thumb across it instead. "Do you not want to?" She asked.

"I didn't say that." He countered quickly. "I just mean don't feel like we have to. There's no rush."

She looked up at him with hooded eyes, and he swallowed visibly. "Alex." She breathed. "I want you to fuck me."

Her words sent a jolt of arousal through him and he moved his hands off hers, instead placing them on her hips. She resumed unbuttoning her shirt and he dipped his head, pressing an open mouth kiss to her neck. He trailed kisses along her neck and across her collarbone, biting down when he got to a particularly sensitive spot, smirking at the breathy moan it elicited.

He pulled back far enough to rid himself of his top, unbuttoning his jeans and pushing those down too. Addison pushed her now open shirt down her arms to the floor, arching against him as he palmed her breast through the lacy bra she was wearing. He reached his arms around her, finding the zip on her skirt and sliding it down slowly.

"You're beautiful." He breathed once she was stood in only her underwear, moving his hands to her hips and walking her back until she hit the bed.

He took small satisfaction in the faint blush that coloured her cheeks as her teeth found her lip. "I'm fat."

He let out a deep chuckle as he pushed her lightly so she was lying down. "You're pregnant. And gorgeous."

She grabbed his neck and pulled him down, running her hands over his chest and down his stomach. He bent his neck to capture her lips, kissing her slowly and softly, as he rolled onto his side, pulling her into him. She pushed her chest into him as her tongue entered his mouth and he couldn't help but out a low moan at her actions.

God, he had missed her. She was all red hair, soft skin and perfect curves, pliant under his hands and eagerly responsive to his touch. She was unbelievably sexy but, more importantly to him, she was _her_ and there's no one else that would ever come close for him.

He reached a hand behind her to unclasp her bra, a soft sigh escaping him at the feel of her bare skin on his. He moved his hands to rid himself of his boxers, his mouth not leaving hers as she shimmied out of her panties.

She pulled back breathless and pushed him onto his back, straddling him and raking her fingernails over his chest, causing him to buck underneath her. She smirked down at him and his reaction as she grasped him in her hand, stroking softly. He groaned as she giggled and he moved his thumb to brush over her nipple in retaliation.

"I love you." He breathed as she hovered over him, stroking her cheek gently.

She bit down on her lip as she slid down onto him, slowly taking him in inch by inch. His hands moved to the curve of her hips, clasping tightly as he resisted the urge to thrust up into her while her walls fluttered around him. She settled fully against him, her breath coming in sharp pants as her nails dug painfully into his shoulder.

They were still for an agonising few minutes before Addison gave her hips an experimental roll and he tipped his head back against the pillow. "I love you too." She smiled at him and he returned it, part of him still in disbelief this was happening.

She started to move against him, agonisingly slow and deliberate. He touched and kissed all the expanses of skin he could reach, enjoying the breathy moans he drew from her. She leant forward, so he could feel her small bump pressing against him. The change in angle caused her walls to tighten against him and he couldn't help but meet her movements with deep thrusts of his own.

Alex moved one hand to her hair as he pressed his lips to hers, kissing her tenderly, swallowing her cries. He felt his self control slipping as he upped his pace, thrusting harder against her. She pulled her mouth from his as a loud moan escaped her and her teeth dug into her lip.

"Fuck." She breathed. "Alex, I'm so close."

He moved his free hand to where they were joined, moving his fingers over her clit quickly, his own movements becoming more erratic as her walls fluttered around him. She stilled above him as he thrust harder still, a choked gasp escaping her as she came, clenching almost painfully around him.

It didn't take long for him to lose control; quickly following her over the edge as he helped her ride out her orgasm. She collapsed against him after, before rolling off to lie on her back next to him, a breathy moan drawn from her throat as he slipped out of her.

He moved his arm to wrap around her, shifting so they were pressed against each other. "Wow, Addie." He chuckled. "I forgot how good we were at that."

She let out a breathless giggle at his words, and he couldn't help but smile at how carefree the sound was. "We're amazing." She agreed. "Hands down the best sex I've ever had."

He poked her ribs slightly at that. "I should hope so: I'm very competitive."

They lay in silence for a while, just enjoying being in each others company again. He saw goosebumps beginning to form on her arms and shifted so he could pull the sheets up over them. She twisted slightly to look him in the eye and he reached a hand up, tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry." She looked at him questioningly. "For what Mer said to you earlier."

She gave him a sad smile. "She didn't say anything I hadn't thought myself." He pulled her tighter to him at that, brushing a kiss to her forehead softly. "It's good you have someone who has your back always…family."

"I always have your back." He muttered into her hair.

"I know." She smiled at him, stroking her fingers over his cheek. "You went round hers after…you know, after I left?"

"She's family." He repeated her earlier sentiment. "I dunno…I just couldn't be here, not without you. I moved back in here 3 months ago."

"You moved out?" He nodded as she frowned at him. "For 3 whole months?"

He brushed a kiss to her forehead, smiling sadly at her. "I couldn't be here without you."

"I'm so sorry." She breathed, a few tears escaping her eyes. "I'm so so sorry, Alex."

"Oh hey, shush, it's okay." He brushed the tears off her cheek gently. "I told you I don't blame you. And this a new start for us." She gave him a shaky nod, a watery smile on her face. "Tell me about your life in LA."

He stroked soft circles on her lower back as she started talking quietly. "I live in a beach house. Literally I can just walk onto the beach from my house. And I work in this private practice, basically with just one patient a day, Monday to Friday. I'm home by 6 everyday, sat on my deck and watching the sunset over the ocean."

There was a small wistful smile on her face, and he couldn't help return it. "Sounds pretty amazing."

"It was lonely." She whispered.

He dipped his head to kiss her softly. "We could move there if you want? If it's too hard being here."

She had started shaking her head before he'd even finished. "It's hard being there. That was where I escaped, my reasons for being there…it's linked with bad memories." She moved closer to him, tangling her legs with his. "This is our home, Alex. I love you and this place. It's our home."

"It is." He agreed. He moved his hand over her hip, tracing light circles on her bump. "This Pete guy…will he mind you moving 1000 miles away with his kid?"

She bit her lip as she looked up at him. "He won't mind. He doesn't want to be involved anyway."

"He doesn't want to know his own kid? What kind of man doesn't want to know his own kid?" He frowned; even when he was terrified of the idea of committing to anything or anyone, he still couldn't imagine having a child and not being involved.

"Give him a break, Alex. It was one drunken night, most sane guys would run the other way." She chuckled humourlessly. "Anyway, this baby isn't missing out, they're still going to have a dad."

"You're scared." He had noticed her edginess, the way her whole body stiffened whenever they were discussing her pregnancy or the baby. He understood why; a part of him was terrified it would end the same way as before.

Her gaze fell away from his as she rolled on her back, eyes fixed on the ceiling instead, her hand joining the one he had on her stomach. "You know they say its insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." He entwined their fingers together, squeezing her hand softly.

"I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 3 months in. I had my suspicions, sure, had symptoms even. I didn't do a test, didn't do anything, all I felt was fear. Paralysing fear that it will end the same way. Then I did the test and it was positive and it shouldn't be possible, I saw the scans and the tests. The fear hasn't gone away."

A few tears had fallen down her face and Alex gently brushed them away. "In my head this whole time, it didn't feel real, me leaving. As selfish as it sounds I thought when I was better, I could come back and you'd be waiting for me. How self absorbed is that."

"Addie, I'll always wait for you. Always. I love you." He shifted so he could hold her closer in a desperate attempt to reassure her. It broke his heart at how different this woman was now to the one he had known when they first started dating, he hated how the world had done this to her. "You have to allow yourself to be happy."

She turned so she was able to cup his face. "I'm trying."

"I know you are." He turned his head to kiss her palm and she giggled slightly. "Do you have to give notice at this practice? Before you come back."

She shrugged. "It's ran by my best friend. She'll let me leave, she'll understand." He felt a small sense of relief at that, unable to imagine her leaving for a month when he just got her back. "Richard offered me my job back at least 3 times today so I don't see that being a problem."

He let out a low chuckle at that, while she rolled her eyes slightly. "I think we're going to be alright, you know?" He murmured. "All three of us."

"Me too." She admitted. "You make me think everything will be."

Alex felt a small bit of trepidation at the excitement that was beginning to enter his body and he tried to damp it down. It had been a long rollercoaster of a day and he had gone through what felt like every emotion on the planet. He was almost surprised that it had managed to end on a positive note; this time yesterday he would never have imagined ending up here.

They lay in silence, Addison wrapped in his arms as he drifted off, a small content smile on his face. A thought occurred to him and he cracked his eyes open slightly, peering at the woman in his arms.

"Addie?" She hummed sleepily. "Want to go out for dinner somewhere tomorrow night?"

"Sure." She muttered back, not opening her eyes but a faint smile on her face. "I know a place…it's nothing fancy; it's actually a bit of a dump."

"Oh?" He asked, a smile forming on his face as he remembered the conversation that started it all.

"Yeah." She tipped her head back to kiss his cheek. "Does the best bacon cheeseburgers in the world though."

He kissed the top of her head, gently running his fingers through the tangles in her hair. "God, I love you so much, Addie."

"I love you too."

He closed his eyes once more, his hand landing on her small bump. It really was a new start for them and, for the first time in months, he was beginning to think that everything would be okay. That they would end up happy.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this! This story was completely out of my writing comfort zone, and I hope that I managed to pull off the more mature and serious style (I'm counting on you to let me know!).**

 **When I started writing this I had a 600 word scene which appears in this part (the conversation in the supply closet) and I have no idea how I managed to turn that into a 25k word story. I did debate writing an extra part, following with Addison's pregnancy, but for me the story arc was more about their relationship and how they had to learn to find and hang on to all the happiness they could together. And I don't know how their story ends, whether they successfully have the baby or not; you decide!**

 **Anyway, please please please review! I do love feedback, and I do try to take all your comments on board when I write! Thank you, kirahelena x**


End file.
